Yearning


As I was writing today’s date for some work related thing I found myself remembering the fabulous (F)


Don’t know if it was the warm weather, the fact that we hooked up in summer around late June, the fact that her birthday was last month and I didn’t call ( I haven’t called in two years)


Remembering her bothered me and for about 10 minutes I was frowning and in a very bad mood, I let it go after 10 minutes but again I am not appreciative of the fact that I remember her till now. It was supposed to be a one night stand, granted it was a two-night stand but still, I always prided myself in being able to keep viewing things as they were, in their right size, and I have always succeeded in doing so.


Remembering your flings is usually a pleasant feeling, it helps you give your ego a much needed boost sometimes, I never felt the need to forget about one of my past relationships whether it was just a fling or a full fledged romance, never had an eternal sunshine of the spotless mind moment where all the memories got too much to handle

And I know the reason we didn’t continue our fling (it had potential) was that the social gap was too big, I didn’t see any future for this and I hated holding her back. Oooh and I was seeing someone at the moment


I don’t know if this is the first time for me to admit to cheating, it’s not an easy thing to admit to cheating on your partner, someone that you care for deeply and might have even loved at the time (everybody has his moments). I was never caught, something that alarmed me very much, how was I able to have (F) in my arms then 1 hour later welcome my girlfriend back from her trip and never even be doubted for a moment? And if I had that in me then what was to stop me later? I don’t want to be a cheating husband, don’t want to grow up like my dad who is my role model in business and having fun but not in matters of commitment and monogamy


And something else, like the song “cheat on you” by Ma$e “just you can cheat they can cheat” and that bothered me too, if I was doing so then maybe she was doing the same back to me, not saying I didn’t deserve being cheated on, just that I didn’t notice anything incriminating, and I trust my power of observation in these matters


Is cheating and not getting caught a talent or a skill? that's a good question, (are good cheaters born or made?)


So moving back to (F) and why we didn’t hook up, I guess it’s way too late now to think about it or even reminisce, but I wonder what if?


The phenomenal trend that is blogging allows you to judge a person’s character on some level before your judgment is skewed by their looks, status or attitude but that’s a different story altogether for next post