Monday, January 03, 2011
There's a million reasons to panic... All as insignificant or as life changing as you choose to make them. Fact remains that millions of people did it before you and hopefully millions after you will (end-of-the-world events permitting)
It might be too soon to write about it in the first place... Perhaps I haven't had the time to fully absorb and/or realize the impact of this step...
I was telling "N" a couple of days back that finding someone in your late twenties makes you one step closer to what many might consider the good life... I've failed to mention to her that it also automatically gives you a statistical longevity advantage over those who found said someone (I refuse to use the term "the one") in their early twenties.
Is it luck? Number of (educated) trials? Sheer bloody determination to tough it out? I have an answer but since almost every persons answer to that question is bound to be a subjective, autobiographical one, I would rather keep my answer to myself... I personally have evidence against and for all 3 theories :)
Laptops and Beauty marks on girls who resemble exes aside [which ex? Doesn't matter N ♥], I think its up for each person to discover the answer to that question on their own... I'm reminded? Of an old story about someone asking the old wise man the answer to some question and the old man sending him on several pointless quests only at the end for the young apprentice to realize that the answer lied in the actual journey... You know?
Update: It could also be The Karate Kid part 1 :)
Soooooo, where was I? Yes, panicking.
I'm OK with my own company... I keep myself in check, and generally before it gets too complicated as well... No one is perfect but we should all strive to be better, shouldn't we? In fact (religion aside) I believe in mini mistakes to help us do mini corrections on our course to "greatness"... Everybody wants to be great don't they?
I have cyclical depression? Tidal shifts
I like to refer to them as waves washing over me and any man worth his dinner knows you don't fight the tide, you swim and duck and such until you clear it... It'll be interesting to see how it goes with "N" ♥ around this year and with all the new factors
P.s. It is also worth noting that those cycles are most apparent/vicious in Jan and late June early July.
P.s Bardo :) It's not the first thing in over 2 years, just the first here :)
Monday, November 17, 2008
It's somehow maintaining a balance between how much you want to spend, how much you'd like to save and how much to re-invest... combine that with family members who do absolutely nothing yet think they can somehow control what you do or think they're somehow entitled to equal benefits just because they share the same last name.
I deliberately take out a small amount of money for my monthly salary, i do that consciously, and the reason is that whatever i don't spend is better off being reinvested rather than tucked away somewhere... it just seems like a smarter choice. that's why i still haven't taken out my annual bonus for the last two years... and for that reason i think i am entitled to some of the things they're not entitled to
I mean fuck, i get paid less than i would had i been selling credit cards in some bank for the past 5 years, and trust me i don't sell credit cards... i was so enraged by that mini argument, i mean the nerve, the audacity, the narrow vision... (the amount we were talking about is about half the amount that person owes me as a result of the recent exchange rate changes in our respective bank accounts which we [and by we i mean I] maintain at an equal balance in different currencies) and the rest can be covered from my yet to be paid bonuses...
P.S the title is from Monty Python and the holy grail...
Friday, March 21, 2008
Monday, February 04, 2008
I’ve heard that phrase so many times I’ve lost count by now, but it’s fair to say the number was in the 4 digit area, I’ve been hearing it again recently and normally I’d let it slide… after all it’s not like my fellow men have done a lot to rebut that argument… in fact, the majority of my gender’s actions confirms it, we can’t argue that men are pigs, even the most respectable male has a pig somewhere deep inside him. Or as Anis Mansour once put it “Al Gentelman, ze2b taweel el baal” and again most gentlemen won’t argue that unless there are some females present :)
However, that led me to think - which in itself is a rarity these days with the amount of work that’s been shoveled over me - that led me to think about what women want?
Throughout my past couple of relationships, and the eventual collapse, there has been one recurring theme (and no, it wasn’t about that only one thing that all men want) that theme was that I got smothered easily, or to be more biased to myself, I felt too smothered. The distance I needed, the space I needed was perhaps the only need not being catered to, and even though I can’t speak for all males I can assure you that this particular male definitely wants space, needs space.
It seems that the request of being left alone occasionally is too much to ask out of a female, perhaps I have a certain quality and/or facial feature that makes me attract the needy ones…
So I asked around, all the males I know, older men, younger ones, it seems I’m not alone out there, all agreed that women are clingy and needy, it’s just one of their major qualities, what we refer to as clingy and needy they refer to as being emotionally developed and ready to commit, it’s all a matter of wording if you ask me… the bottom line is that emotionally developed/clingy does not work with independent/emotionally crippled, they don’t compliment each other no matter how hard we try, opposites may attract but not without some consequences… or maybe we just need to try harder, but only when the goal of spending “the rest of your life” with her/him is worth all the hard work.
One person’s hard labour is another person’s heaven…
But that entire post aside I move for changing the quote at the top to “Men are only after one thing, Women are after EVERYTHING”
Monday, December 03, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Ended last week.
No more In-a-Relationship With HER
We sure had our ups and downs, she was and still remains a great girl who did all her best to make me happy.
God knows i did my best too :(
But as Anouk once sang "my best wasn't good enough"
It worries me to be at this point in my life, where being single is more appealing than being in a relationship
Am i addicted to being single??
A little background info on my dating history: I don't have relationships that last longer than 3 months, there was this one time (at band camp ;) where i had a relationship that lasted for a year and a half, and now this is my second longest relationship ever (and my most real)
My Mean, Median and Mode is less than 3 months. What? Am I that hard to please?? do i have a very thin line rather than a range of what i want in life and out of a relationship??? the rigid bastard that is me. I know i am quite flexible when it comes to what I'm expecting of my girl to do... but when it comes to what is expected of me I'm not so nice... it's more of a I'm-gonna-be-flexible-with-you-and-let-you-do-what-you-want-so-let-me-do-what-i-want.
Cause for alarm you say? I think i heard someone say Emotionally Crippled.... yes you at the back...
Kareemfromegypt: Now is the time to be self centered, to worry about myself
Kareemfromegypt: when did you ever stop being self centered?
Kareemfromegypt: Don't be such a bitch, bitch!!!
Kareemfromegypt: ooooh, such a tough guy aren't you? what are you going to do? Slap yourself?
Kareemfromegypt: I feel quite tempted
Kareemfromegypt: Well... Bring it on Pretty boy!!!!
Sorry about that, he does like to cause a scene... I'll deal with him later
I'm not crying, I'm not depressed, not that much, I'm not sure if i'm holding back any feelings, not allowing myself the time to grieve, Refusing to grieve in the first place, not allowing myself to pity my failure, refusing to view it as failure. There is her though, i still worry about her, worry about how she's doing, worried about whether i should be by her side, continue to give her the "mediocre" support that i was giving her, Or if being close to her will remind her of the good times, make it harder for both of us to move along. I do want her as a friend cuz she's a really cool friend, and i always find it easy to talk with her and i think she thinks the same of me. We did agree to remain close, not to try to ignore each other, to pick up from where we left before we got into this relationship, and i'm ore than willing to do that
over the past week, 3 days in a row i couldn't get to her, i'd call but she'd be busy... and it sort of made me feel that she was ignoring me on purpose, that was one day after we agreed on being there for each other, on not disappearing, and i couldn't help but think that she was ignoring me on purpose
last thursday (the 4th day of me not being able to talk to her) i called her up on my way to see some friends, and we had a nice one hour long chat about that, it went okay, wasn't Super and yet wasn't a disaster... i think we can do this :)))
Now I'd love to sit and chat but i have some Schizophrenic butt kicking to deal with :)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
not to mention that he's supposedly a doctor, and a good reputable one. How can that sorry pathetic excuse for a father be like that? how can he know that his daughter, who just went into back surgery less than two months ago is in severe pain and not do anything about it?
I feel helpless, i don't know how to handle this, i blame her for being that helpless, i blame her for letting her case deteriorate to that extent, i blame her for being afraid of hospital and doctors in general, not that she has had a good example at home, i blame her for not trying to get help directly from his friends or from her other family members, her aunt, her grandmother, anyone, and i blame her for not yelling/crying loud enough for her worse than deaf piece-of-shit Dad to hear.
i don't care if he has "problems", even if he's going bankrupt, even if she used to cry wolf as a kid, even if he walked in on his two sons fucking, no human being is that selfish, i hope he suffers, i hope he experiences her pain AND her helplessness, i hope he DOES walk in on his two sons blowing each other
i HATE that man more than i have hated anyone else in my life so far, i hope he does have even more "problems" than he has now , i want to see him suffer even more than he is allegedly suffering now, i want to see him writhing in pain, both physical and emotional pain
Friday, September 14, 2007
i haven't been this depressed in a very long while
i haven't felt the need to be alone, to deal with my invisible shit since almost forever
it's putting a strain on my relationship, and on everything, i just want to be alone, want to be left alone
and she doesn't understand nor appreciate that, cuz she's the kind that needs people around her when she's depressed, i don't want anyone to pamper me, i just want to deal, to try and find out what's making me feel this way
why do i resent my life and other's lives as well, we make fun of some shit on a daily basis yet some people's dreams are that very same shit we make fun of.
walking hand in hand 3al kornish, eating icecream from some shop then waking back home, that could be a romantic thing to do if it was in any other country, without the hoards of sons of bitches waiting to either comment on you two or grope her depending on your location.
yet blaming them is only part of the equation, it's hard to teach people about equality and respecting the female body when their own body is not respected, their hunger pangs, their dignity, from the policeman, the rich guy in his car, the neighbors, the other people riding on the bus.
we make fun of random stuff, for example it's my turn to take you out today, let me buy you lunch, Erm... didn't you say you craved fuul and ta3meya sandwiches?, yet most people eat that more than once a day, it's not a joke, it's sad
i feel like crying, and again i haven't cried in a while, i've been detached from all forms of emotional stimuli for longer than eternity and now it's all coming back in one strong combined blow to the gut
i feel hate towards society and life and contempt towards myself and my like, the privileged ones, i feel we don't do enough and i'm not sure if i want to do something, cuz i don't believe it will make a difference and i can't live with myself for feeling like that
i haven't felt that much disdain for myself in a very long while
He's the smartest person you'll ever meet, a sense of humor that's unmatched, a genius both conversationally and academically, the guy was the top of his class and the top of our school with virtually no studying.
he sent us a mail about a month ago appologizing for not being a "good friend" and all, and his exact words were:
It has taken me quite a while to write the next couple of words ..
I just wanted to apologize for not being a very good friend lately, even though I honestly don't understand what the word means .. I know I have "disappeared" many times before, and it isn't very amusing any more .. But of all the times when I just couldn't deal with everything, I had never felt the need to vanish so strongly before ..
I have been dealing with a lot of things lately, and I just realized that I can't resolve all of those issues on my own .. I acknowledge the need to seek dedicated professional advice .. I really appreciate your concern, and I apologize again for being a prick ..
Hope you are all doing well, and hope next time we meet it will better for all of us ..
that last paragraph in particular "Hope you are all doing well, and hope next time we meet it will better for all of us .. "sounds a bit too suicidal for my liking
i don't know how to reach out to him, i'm sure he's got real shit on his mind, the heavy, hardcore type, like being raped or seeing your mom in bed with another guy or seeing your younger brother blowing his uncle or something, just not sure what to do with him, and he's never been the type to talk about his normal problems, i can only imagine what some real shit will do to him.
i hope he's seeing a therapist
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
THE ex is what i call my former girlfriend of a year and a half, the relationship that felt most right, not an ex, the ex
I just got off the phone with her and she broke me
i haven't felt like crying in ages
her whimper really hit the spot
plus the fact that i'm not used to her being vulnerable, she's tough as nails when she needs to, and she's been through a hell of a lot over the past 4 years but never complained.
although we don't talk regularly, i still care for her, despite the rumors that were never confirmed, despite never giving me a reason as to why she broke up with me, she'll always be special to me
may God give her more strength for that one
will get back to you guys in a while
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
i think that's something a lot of guys can claim, i think i read somewhere that guys in general don't remember their dreams as well as girls although they dream with the same frequency
and i usually enjoy long uninteruppted stretches of sleep, very few times can i remember having problems sleeping
one thing i do remember quite well is nightmares
Nightmares are nature's way of giftwrapping some shit for you
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I got lost 3 times in London as a kid.
Yep that’s right three times, you’d think I’d have learned by maybe the second time but nope.
I would like to go on the record that I love London and consider it my home away from home
It all started when I was Six years old, I was on a school trip, not an official school trip per se but it was supervised by our school or something don’t really remember the only reason I went was because my sister was going and my mom was going anyway at that time so it was either London or my grandma’s house
On one of the organized outings we were supposed to go to see some place (possibly the tower of London, maybe Madame tussauds wax museum or some other similar place)
I tagged along and daydreamed most of the time (I used to daydream a lot when I was a kid) actually all my school reports stated that “kareem is a very bright kid…bla bla blah but needs to pay more attention” then on the ride back to the hotel I was sleepy so I sneaked to the back of the crowded bus and cuddled next to a “pretty” girl (too bad she was too old for me, she was in grade 11 or something while I was six, it didn’t work out) I was cute back then, before the weight and the pimples and the insecurities piled on.
I woke up maybe an hour later to find that the bus instead of the expected noise of the teenagers who were on board I found two nice middle aged ladies and one possibly deceased English man with a weird hat on his head, I remember distinctly that I didn’t cry, and that’s coming from a kid who was around 6 years old that time, and who didn’t speak English very well.
Now the way things are in this life Is that now if I find that bus driver who helped me find my way back, to the hotel, called them up and told them there’s a kid that you guys forgot, bought me chocolates and gummy bears or something (and a diet 7up) I don’t know why he bought me a diet 7up but I distinctly remember that it was diet (maybe he thought I might be diabetic and I have tons of respect for him even if that wasn’t why he got the diet one) but the sad truth is that if I he needed a blood donation I wouldn’t give it to him cuz I don’t know him now, I owe him a lot yet there’s no chance in hell that I’ll be able to pay him back, maybe that’s the reason we’re meant to “pay it forward”
Do you guys find it strange that I remember tiny details like the diet 7up one?
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
didn't know lust had me done keda, i always liked to think of myself as a more decent person, not pervy perverson
other than that they got the rest pretty right, i do get a lot more Angry, Lazy and Greedy than Envious, Gluttonous or Proud
Saturday, July 14, 2007
but first, i'd like to appologize for the delayed absence for those who cared enough to ask, and also appologize for not replying to their comments
so this is what i wrote back in may
Shokeir told me there must be something that’s worth writing about for you, something that grabs your attention enough for you to contemplate and come up with a conclusion about or at least an opinion (that was his answer when i told him i haven't been inspired lately)
The weird thing is that I don’t, and haven’t had in over a month now
For over 2 years now I’ve had a very successful spell of being sharp and observant, mainly about relationships cuz I’m not one to talk about politics and in a way I think everything else has a way of taking care of itself (work, family and friends)
Yet the main challenge that so many twenty-somethings fail to complete successfully is finding ourselves a partner (that’s what I honestly believe, or else I wouldn’t be over thinking it) (I like to consider myself a smart person)
So being it that I was single for over 2 years. That left me with analyzing everyone around me, no one was safe, not my parents, not my friends, not my clients and it was cool at first, predicting when this couple was going to split or why that couple did. It reached a point when I crossed over to analyzing friendships and their dynamics and in a sense I still do.
Now this long introduction / self analysis happened in my head yesterday after I read shokeir’s message.
The reason I haven’t been blogging lately, not even checking other blogs (other than being busy) is that I’m now in a relationship.
Who would have thought I would not remain bitter. Bitter, truthful, kareemfromegypt is now in a relationship and happy and content with it, is accepting the stuff he wouldn’t have been accepting under any other situation, finding them perfectly normal, not only that but actually enjoying them
Now Ain’t THAT strange?
This reminds me of the Gym Class Heroes Cover of “take a look at my girlfriend” especially the bit,
“It’s been some time since we last spoke
and this is gonna sound like a bad joke,
but momma I fell in love again,
it’s safe to say I have a new girlfriend”
“And I know it sound so old,
but cupid got me in a chokehold,
and I’m afraid I might give in,
towel’s on the mat, my white flag is wavin’
Okay so writing this post less than 2 months after I wrote about love being the Tender trap makes me feel weird, completely shatters my credibility, destroys the way I view myself :)
But maybe, just maybe, this might be the time, time for me to actually meet someone who not only makes me happy (that wasn’t the issue but eliminates the “what ifs” and “maybes”.
And although I still have a lot to know / learn yet I just wanted to state this…
I love you Mrs. Banana :)
P.s For anyone who feels like vomiting after reading this post, I left several buckets alongside the tissues by the exit :)