Friday, December 22, 2006

how to prank a telemarketeer

THIS is just brilliant

p.s i am back from London (obviously) and i'm swamped with work (merry christmas y'all)

i will get back with details of the trip and our visit to the police station there and everything

take care

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The following events and characters are entirely fictional.

I am Travelling to London for about 10 days or so tuesday night as a habit i like to leave my faithful readers (all 4 of them or so that stuck by during the dry spells) with some long post to read ( although i might have overstayed my welcome this time)

*plus it was something i needed to write

(warning: long post, if you don't have time then read it later)

The following events and characters are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual events or characters living or dead is purely conincidental (unless you are one of those characters then, ooops)

Main Characters: "He"
and "kareemfromegypt"


Friday 1oth of nov, 3 am.
was she eyeing me? Sherief asked himself. i could tell that she had something on her mind, maybe she was wondering why i was making myself available again, as oposed to the last 6 months of making myself scarce, hmmm... forget about it man, it was probably just her bad luck that u caught her looking at you 4 times in the same night, so what if one of them was an outright stare, so what if her fiance was only 4 meters away dancing at the dancefloor. it was innocent, right?

Sunday 12th of Nov, 1 pm.
ok so they had a big fight, but it happens, except of course it usually doesn't happen because he was like 5-10 minutes late in telling her happy anniversary. he said he was gonna make it up to her

Monday 13th of Nov, 11 am.
ok so obviously they have bigger reasons for fighting, anyway the plans to make it up to her blew up in his face (not his fault to be honest) and now they don't talk (i'm glad she knows she can never call me)

Monday 13th of Nov, 10:30 pm.
Wooaah, never saw that one coming, never expected such a low blow from her, not towards him (he is the love of her life) i never expected her to rub his financial position in, then pour some salt on it by making a scene infront of her compound security and storming out of the car.

tuesday 14th of Nov, 5 pm
ok so he went and met her father, i told him it would be no use, the guy supported him completely, but i doubt he will ever do anything to help (plus he always had a greater influence on her than her own father ever did)

wednesday 15th of Nov, all day.
He is wondering wether he should continue with the relationship/engagement, first time for me to know that she threw the band in his face twice already in the past 4 months.

thursday 16th of Nov, all day.
He is still wondering

Friday 17th of Nov, 11 am.
they meet and talk, fail to reach a conclusion, and take off their bands.

Friday 17th of Nov, 4pm- 11 pm
Some of her friends and a relative talk to him about thinking this over ( i remain neutral in order not to be misunderstood, Lord knows i have been in the past)

Friday 17th of Nov, 11:30 pm
she calls him and the following conversation ensues
She: did you ask to see papy tomorrow?
He: yes
She: why?
He: WTF??? why? what do you mean why?, to talk to him about to today
She: huh? you mean we are over?
he: ??? what did you think taking off the band was?
She: i thought it means we are having a fight
He: since when did it ever mean that?
She: so it really is over? (starts sobbing)
He: yeah
she then breaks down and cries for half an hour, with a thousand i'm sorry's and i love you's and please don't leave me
then he parks his car and goes inside the hotel (he had a wedding to attend) stays on the phone for another 30 minutes, hangs up, stays at the wedding for 1/2 an hour then goes out, calls her again, she continues her crying for about another 45 minutes

Saturday 18th of Nov, 11am
He puts the band back on before going to meet her father

Saturday 18th of Nov, 10pm
i ask him what's up after he told me about the band incident, he relays the phone call to me, i can't believe he fell for the entire "oh i didn't know that this was the end" act
i keep my calm and ask him what does he plan to do next, to which he replies, "nothing, i'm not even convinced that this is going to work, i just put the band on because i am giving myself some time to cool off, and because i didn't want to finalize it." and then he adds "we are seperated now, i'm considering this phase as if we got divorced but i haven't registered it yet" I am not convinced, naturally

Tuesday 21st of Nov, 10 pm.
sherief hears from a mutual friend that he went to her place to have dinner (so he assumes everything is going back to normal

Wednesday 22nd of Nov, 11am
the following conversation between me and him:
Sherief: so you went yesterday and met her
He: yeah (sheepishly)
Sherief: and you went out somewhere (i know he didn't)
He: no, we stayed at her place (voice trailing off)
Sherief: (acting surprized) you did? like with her mom and everything? at home? as in one big happy family?
He: well... it's just because i got the CPA exam, u know i'm travelling tomorrow, and if i had went there in our state i would have definetly stayed there, you know i got offered a job there
at that point i steer the conversation towards the offer (as i think i have made my point) i don't think even he is convinced with that reason.

Thursday 23rd of Nov, 8pm
she drives him to the airport, then calls sherief on her way home
She: Alo?
Sherief: yes?
She: it's ****
Sherief: i know
She: i thought you might have erased my number
Sherief: even if i had, i have a freakishly good memory with numbers.
She: can i see you?
Sherief: something specific?
She: i just need a familiar face to talk to
Sherief: and i guess this is as familiar as it gets
She: well... i was hoping to talk to someone who isn't judgemental
Sherief: not anymore, not as before anyway
She: please
Sherief: ok ok, i am at home anyway, not going anywhere

i only said ok out of curiosity, what made her want to talk to me that badly?, they had problems in the past and never had she come to me with them. (i wonder if she knows that i know) was it because of the other night at the club?

she arrives, looking great i might add, she had gained a couple of kilos, and i love a full figure (anyway) and we go sit at what used to be the regular hangout of the group

Sherief/me: you gained weight
She: is that a good thing or a bad thing?
and i go: you know wether it's a good thing or a bad thing
She: thanks
I: so, what's up?
She: actually i need to lose weight
I: really?
She: yeah (HE) prefers me slimmer
I: i know he likes skinny chicks, i'm surprised he ever hooked up with you
She: ouch
I: well it's true
She: anyway i'm going to the nutritionist this saturday
I: good for you
She: what's wrong with you? you sound distant and distracted, i mean i'm used to the bluntness, but the absentmindedness kinda scares me, you were always sharp
I: i thought today was about you, not me
She: that's the sherief i'm used to

So the conversation goes back and forth in a similar tone for about 90 minutes, i figure "great, she doesn't sound like she got something up her sleeve"

We get back in her car, she used to do most of the driving, wether i liked it or not, nothing changed that day, we cruised for a while, then she parked all of a sudden in a side street and got out of the car. (and i hoped secretly that this wasn't one of her crazy fits)

then she got back in...

I: what was that all about?
She: nothing, i was checking the trunk, i thought i had left something.
I: ok, for a while i thought you were gonna get the jack or something to hit me with
She: (laughing) why would i ever do that?

And then she is all over me, kissing me and putting her hand over my crotch

I: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! (as i push her away)
She: come on!!!! (going for it again)
I: (i push her again) STOP IT!!!
She: What!!!
I: is that your idea of revenge? what the hell was all that talk about losing weight back there?
She: what? no no i'm not gonna tell him, ever, he would leave me if he found out
I: you think?
She: come onnnn!!!!!
I: No

(she takes her top off, turns out she had taken off her bra and put it in the trunk)

(Sherief gets out of the car)

She: Wait (buttoning it down again)
I: What now?
She: i'll tell him
I: i'll take my chances, Oh and ****
She: yeah?
I: fuck you and your crazy, lunatic mother

(that's her soft spot, her mom's sanity... bitch)

Friday 24th of Nov, all day
she keeps calling me and i don't answer, i just need her to send one condemning SMS (yet i can't get the picture of her "topless" from my head... i had forgotten how she looked)

All she sent so far was along the lines of "we need to talk about yesterday" ( i guess no one is that stupid)

plus i don't want to ruin the engagement, i just need something to shut her up with, some guarantee that she won't make up some story

i sent her a couple of messages trying to extract a confession out of her, again nothing

Saturday 25th of Nov, 11 am.

i decide to meet her, to talk some sense ino her, i answer her next call

I: so, what's up
She: you're coming to my house, tonight.
I: no, let's meet somewhere first
She: no, you'll do as i say
I: is your place empty?
She: yeah, mom went to visit my sis and she's spending the night there, and you are spending it here
I: i got work tomorrow
She: so do i
I: let's just meet somewhere first, then go to your place later, what's the rush
She: i'll see you at 7 at my place


(damn, this didn't go as i'd hoped at all, maybe face to face i can do better)

Sherief calls Kareem

S: yo man, you busy
K: nope, sitting at Euro Deli writting some stuff
S: alone?
K: yeah, who would sit with the crazy dude typing away at his keyboard?
S: ok... look i need to talk to someone, can i come?
K: yeah but give me 15 minutes to wrap up the chapter i'm writting.
S: i'm on the way

Sherief enters to find Kareem halfway through a big cheese burger

S: what happened to the diet? what happened to the chapter?
K: free meal, writters block, plus food is good for creativity, fuck them salads man

K: so what's up?
S: you remember ****
K: wasn't she the one with the Big bazoombas? excuse me ya3ni
S: the one and only
K: yeah sure i remember her, what happened to her
S: she's engaged, to ****
K: damn!!!! how did that happen? you and him are close aren't you?
S: yeah, but not as much as before
K: so he is cool with the fact that u used to refer to her as the one with the big bazoombas?
S: well... i'm not sure if he remembers anyway, plus i don't refer to her as that anymore
K: no one forgets such a thing Sherief, i thought you knew that
S: well that's not the problem anyway, the problem is....

(and i relay to him what happened)

K: and what exactly do you aim to achieve by going?
S: i'm not sure i should go, that's why i am talking with you
K: well you said you were going, i wouldn't want to tick her off, she has no problems lying about anything, sounds to me like you're in deep shit
S: you think i needed you to tell me that?
K: ok, ok. so you obviously don't want to go through with it, right?
S: Kareem, you have no idea how close i came to going for her in the car
K: i'm surprised you didn't, the whole "what goes around comes around thing" that gets me to stop at these kinda situations, although I gotta say I never had one that was similar to this, not this bad anyway
S: so?
K: Good luck man, i might be tempted to hit and quit, maybe she'll shut up then, i don't think she'll take being rejected very well, then again it could be a trap...

so what would you guys do if you were sherief????


Thursday, November 23, 2006


i get depressed a lot (not a lot as in a long while but like a couple of times a week for a couple of hours each)

sometimes you know why you are depressed (love, Family, Career, Friends)

i don't know why i am depressed most of the time, cuz everything is ok, family is ok, work is ok, love is overrated and friends are overrated.

but today i know why, it's cuz my head is extremly cramped with a shit load of things to do, decisions to make and actions to take... ok so maybe that's normal, or bound to happen every now and then, but this time i don't have time to sit and clear my mind, to come to some sort of peace with myself and the decisions i need to take. i constantly say i need a break, and whine about not taking one, and it's frustrating

it's a shame when you can't make time for yourself to work things out, not to mention helping others.


Friday, November 17, 2006

And they all lived happily ever after

a friend of mine once said a quote that i find quite appropriate for the title

"Ha2aw 2aw 2aw 3AAAAW"

fuck you all (fucking fairytale writters)

who wrote those anyway?

Rate your life man

It might not be worth it :)

This Is My Life, Rated
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

just thought you might want to know

my life is about average, my mind is just about average, my body is way below average, but sirprisingly my spirit is high, the friends/family took a blow cuz of my friends, as for the love life, i'm surprised that the average is this high (however not surprised that women scored higher) and finally finance (when you got no friends, no love, are over weight and your mind is rated lower than the average male then you'd better have some money or at least financial security

here are the averages of all those who took the test:

Life: 6.4
Mind: 6.1
Body: 6.8
Spirit: 6.2
Friends/Family: 5.0
Love: 4.2
Finance: 6.0
Count: 843,676

and by gender:
Male: 6.4
Female: 6.3

Male: 6.4
Female: 6.0

Male: 7.0
Female: 6.7

Male: 6.3
Female: 6.2

Male: 4.9
Female: 5.1

Male: 4.0
Female: 4.4

Male: 6.0
Female: 5.9

Male: 349,915
Female: 508,330

of course it's all about how depressed/delusional you are, right?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Trusstt mee mi frend (in egyptian accent)

she is one of the most interesting people i've ever met.

No matter how much i say about her, i don't think there is anything to be said that can do her justice. the fact is, that i hadn't been impressed by any girl for the past year or two, seriously. i liked some girls, i felt "something" towards other girls, but never, for about 24 months had i been truly and totally blown away by a girl the way she managed to devour all sense of inner stability in me, it lasted for 3 days then i had to travel somewhere.

I came back a long while later (in between we texted and emailed) and in one of our outings (probably the second one) she springs up some wierd confessional shit on me.

Now for some reason people trust me, they trust me with secrets that very few people other than themselves know about, the kind of secrets that include the words (molest, pills, rape, affair, Gay, Slashing wrists, going after married women and sexual needs being ignored by husband)

I understand the need to get some shit like that off their chest, and i am grateful for being blessed with the quality that makes them trust me.
My concern in this particular case is that it wasn't done in the same fashion or trend i came to expect over the years.

First of all, wether it's about pills, finding out that your sister is dating an older man/woman in some cases or trying to kill yourself, what they all boil down to essentially is the need to share that secret with someone, and has provided that for a while, but personal sharing of one of those secrets remains the most effective way to reach or get the result because telling a real person about that sort of thing switches it from a popular post with many readers to a real secret (the kind that only you and the person you are telling know about).

In that case one "real" person is better than hundreds of virtual ones.

Why? because you can talk about that problem later with that person again, if his/her sis continues to date that older person or if the need to commit suicide persists, you can talk again about it and reach a conclusion and post secret doesn't provide that.

Ok. enough sidetracking

Now why would she spring up some weird shit like that on me and then avoid me after it till this day. I mean if she doesn't want to talk about it beyond that day, fair enough, but she still has to talk about something mainstream, maintain the same level of friendship, the level that allowed her to confide in me in the 1st place.

*She ignored me altogether and cited being busy, i'm sorry but busy don't cut it at all, i know busy, I AM busy, she can't just leave this confessional shit linger as the last words we spoke. (shame she doesn't read this blog though)

So babe, i'm sorry, but i won't be your emotional kleenex/garbage disposal. This is strike one and two to me, this is your last chance.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

blah blah bloo

I am in the middle of writing a couple of the usual posts at the moment, but I’m too busy to finish any of them, plus writing other non-blog related stuff, so i leave you with this extract, if you can be bothered in the first place (i would)

it's a conversation between me and a certain Tiny person who i know in real life ( in fact came to know her before she started blogging) and who is also a close friend of cleopatrina (bardo i know in real life)

tiny is the one who said the following about me and made my day, week and year by saying so

"I thought, finally. A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a s**t. And who can make that s**t feel like a woman. " Karen, Will&Grace (and no points deducted for quoting from will and grace cuz she quoted Karen)

It’s a little outdated and doesn’t reflect on my current mood, although it sounds like me sometimes

till later

Tiny says:
Kareem says:
Tiny says:
ana olt enta nemt
Kareem says:
la2 sa7y
Kareem says:
we zay man
Kareem says:
Tiny says:
u ok ya k?
Kareem says:
not really
Kareem says:
not ok
Tiny says:
even in the sos, mesh enta
Kareem says:
not not ok
Kareem says:
la2 el sos dah kan depression from the diet
Kareem says:
i know
Kareem says:
the high protiens zero carbs depresses
Tiny says:
oui je sais
Tiny says:
i am just checking on u
Kareem says:
avec le bla bla bloo?
Kareem says:
francais c'est non?
Kareem says:
je parle francais comme le liblibb
Kareem says:
stick to english plz
Kareem says:
or francoarab ma3 enno annoying gedan
Tiny says:
ok then, english only it is
Tiny says:
anyways...get better soon is not worth it
Tiny says:
it's too short and it's too yucky to give a rat's ass
Kareem says:
or two flying farts
Tiny says:
Tiny says:
3ala ra2yak
Tiny says:
bas keda
Tiny says:
that's what i wanted to say
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
thx D i appreciate
Kareem says:
i do i do
Kareem says:
bas random ka2aba
Kareem says:
sometimes hits you
Tiny says:
what hits u!? ka2aba?
Kareem says:
Tiny says:
well it's redundant but i'll say it anyways..u know u sometimes have to hit rock bottom before getting up again
Kareem says:
yeah yeah

Kareem says:
been there hit that
Kareem says:
i live at the rock
Kareem says:
i like the rock
Kareem says:
the rock likes me
Kareem says:
we have become F*#K buddies me and the rock
Kareem says:
but then i rebel

and the rock goes like " u know enak akhrak ma3aya"

haterga3 haterga3 (ur mine big boy)

Tiny says:
u think u r the only one?
Tiny says:
u don't see ur reflection in others?
Kareem says:
i see my reflection in others?
Kareem says:
no no
Kareem says:
i don't sympathize with the others
Kareem says:
cuz the others complain
Tiny says:
Kareem says:
while i became buddies with my rock
Kareem says:
i accept her
Kareem says:
it's a stockholm syndrome thingy with my rock
Kareem says:
Tiny says:
come on..maybe it's just the mood
Kareem says:
maybe maybe not maybe the one legged man
Kareem says:
it's all good though
Kareem says:
cuz this weeks diet consists mainly of kitkat for breakfast
Tiny says:
Kareem says:
hell yeah
Tiny says:
wad enta ba2olak eh!!!!
Tiny says:
u can dwell on ur mood for a while

but get back to normal

diet, moon.. whatever the reason mr cancerian

Tiny says:
just take ur time, and we'll be waiting at the other least i know i will be
Kareem says:
oh come on!!!!
Kareem says:
don't blame it on the star sign
Kareem says:
i'm not a typical cancer
Kareem says:
typical cancerians annoy me
Kareem says:
they are babies
Tiny says:
they annoy me too elsara7a
Kareem says:
i know
Tiny says:
honestly, i see no happy ppl around me these days so it's no longer astronomy
Tiny says:
or astrology
Tiny says:
new planet found, old one turned into dust
Tiny says:
i don't care
Tiny says:
i want to be happy again!
Tiny says:
birthday coming up
Kareem says:
oh reehhehheheeaalllly???
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
the dreaded libra?
Kareem says:
the sassy scorpio?
Kareem says:

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:

Tiny says:
Tiny says:
major pc crap
Kareem says:
it's ok
Kareem says:
so are you
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
dreaded libra
Kareem says:
wala sassy scorpio
Tiny says:
Tiny says:
the dreaded one
Kareem says:
i'm playing an impossible game
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
very tricky
Tiny says:
i am working on a very distorted screen

like the "safe mode"
Kareem says:
Tiny says:
problems with vga card

leh dreaded ba2a?!?!?
Kareem says:
bad experience
Kareem says:
i'm generalizing
Tiny says:
well truth be told
Tiny says:
cancer and libra is a terrible match
Kareem says:
maho mesh dah el sabab
Kareem says:
and my terrible experience i wasn't involved with her
Kareem says:
she was the best friend of my G.F
Tiny says:
sounds like someone who ruined ur life!
Kareem says:
bent el
Kareem says:
lola el rkaba
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire
Tiny says:
have u ever met a libra man!??! they r the 3rd worst kind
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
they are the worst kind
Kareem says:
cancerian men are the 3rd worst kind
Kareem says:
after libra and leo
Kareem says:
and even aries
Kareem says:
yeb2a 4th worst
Tiny says:
eh dah!??! i love leo men
Tiny says:
they r almost always sexy!
Kareem says:
mahomma yet7abbo
Kareem says:
they are
Kareem says:
but they are self centered pricks who will never give u what ur worht
Kareem says:
Kareem says:
and will almost always cheat on you
Kareem says:
and will make ur life living hell while doing it
Tiny says:
Tiny says:
give me the aries review ba2a
Tiny says:
coz i have a love-hate relationship with em
Kareem says:
mesh faady
Tiny says:
i hate 1- virgo men
Tiny says:
2- aquarius
Tiny says:
3- libra
Tiny says:
grrrrrrrrrrr@ mesh fady

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

i'm back

they say on average a blogger lasts for 9 months

i would like to welcome you to the tenth month of what used to be called the truth (now the bitter blog)

The bitterness is gone (almost) although the name is more marketable than the truth which sounds too cliche

i am glad i wrote something, now if i could work on the template that would even better

so consider this an open invitation for coming up with names for my blog

check the post below the one you are reading now for my latest blaberings

I love you too,


He said she said bulls**t

He Said:

I don’t know why she is ignoring me, if she doesn’t like me then why the hell did she do this? Why did she go for it?

[pick up, please pick it up].

damn it, DamN It

[pick up, pick up, pick up]

stupid girls and their fucked up mind games, I shouldn’t be the one calling her, not in Egypt anyway, I’m just being nice, being a gentleman….. okay maybe a horny gentleman but still

[don’t call her again, don’t be so pathetic] [get a grip man]

[ok, an sms will do -----> hey girl, tried calling you today, [don’t mention the other night, or the fun you had] [concentrate] nothing important, just checking, holler at me when you get this

[holler at me?]

[Ok, now don’t tell me she hasn’t checked her mobile in the past hour, she’s all over it every 5 minutes] [Maybe she’s asleep] [Asleep my ass]

She Said:

Oh God, why is he calling again [you know why, he thinks this is going somewhere, he thinks it’s gonna happen] [he’s never gonna get it] ooooh should I answer??? [no, he should get the message, eventually]

“she” calls kareem

She: hey babe
Kareem: hey you
She: busy today?
Kareem: it’s my day off as u should know by now
She: ok, ok I’ll finish work and come to maadi, around 6-ish
Kareem: sounds like a plan (in a mocking tone)

[God, Kareem can be too sarcastic sometimes]

[ok, now if anybody would understand why I did this it’s kareem, at least he won’t judge] [not so sure that telling your make-out buddy about this is in the rules]
fuck the rules, it’s not like I like the guy
yo K,
Yo S

[Okay, should I just tell him or let him steer the topic as usual towards that kind of conversation] [no he might not do so, even Kareem doesn’t do it everytime]

S: Kareem, I need to tell you something
Kareem: shoot.
S. Well… it’s kinda awkward
Kareem: you know you can tell me

[I know I can, I’m just not sure I want to]

S: remember the Sinai trip I was telling you about?
Kareem: yeah, how did it go?
S: well…
Kareem: ahaaaaaa, you hooked up
S: kinda
Kareem: babe you either hooked up or you didn’t, I’m sure you can tell the difference by now
S: well there was this guy
K: ya benty we’ve established he’s a guy, unless you have one big secret to tell me, oh I’m gonna love you even more, was it a girl?
S: NO!!! Yaaa333
K: you like girls, you like girls
S: shut up and listen
S: well we didn’t hook up hook-up, we just cuddled in one sleeping bag under the stars.
K: Just cuddled up?
S: yeah
K: and you weren’t surprised he didn’t try to pull a move? I am.
S: well, no, it wasn’t dirty
K: you are one courageous, veiled, girl
S: yeah (weakly) (unconvinced)
K: so who is he?
S: I don’t know him
K: come again?
S: I know him, but not like I know you, I saw him like once before at a friend’s place
K: and??
S: and on the trip
K: you do know that by one courageous, veiled girl I meant stupid
S: you are not making this easy
K: ok… and you are having one hell of a guilt trip?
S: it’s not guilt at all, it’s just that he keeps calling
K: you gave him your number!!!!
S: yeah, and he’s already called me 5 times till now, answered the first couple of times then stopped
K: (silence)
S: what should I do?
K: well… Ignoring him usually does the trick, what do you want to do? Do you mind him reaching the conclusion that he was just “convenient”
S: well, if it can be done..
K: (interrupting) it can’t
S: I just don’t want to go further, I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to date him, I don’t want to have his babies, he sent me a text suggesting we go play tennis sometime
K: is that what you kids call it these days?
S: no! tennis, the one with the yellow bouncy ball and the big heavy rackets
K: how does that fit? It’s a weird location for a second make-out date
S: we didn’t make out make-out, we just necked and cuddled
K: like a a one hour hug?
S: exactly
K: problem is he still doesn’t know there is such a thing as a one hour hug?
S: yet, I was hoping he’d get the concept
K: it’s not very mainstream, anyway, ignore him and see how it goes, and report back with updates, so we can sort it if the shit hits the fan and he decides to follow you
S: guys his age don’t do such stuff K
K: what now??? How old is he
S: 35-36 (S is 22)
K: so you cuddle up with a stranger, who is 14 years older than you
S: (interrupting) he doesn’t know how old I am
K: shut up! Who is 14 years your senior, you give him your number, he knows what club you play tennis at and he knows where you work
S: yeah… OH
K: Good luck

He Said:

Ok, so she hasn’t called back [maybe today she’s in a better mood]
[still no answer]

ok how about another SMS -----> ok, now I feel like a stalker, 5 times in 2 days you don’t answer or return the call, and now this 3rd sms and still no answer, reply so I know you’re still alive

Phone rings

He: hey there
She: yo, stalker? I was just busy like hell yesterday, you don’t know how
He: so are we still on for tennis this Friday?
She: I guess so, why? Are you thinking of canceling?
He: I wouldn’t dream of canceling
She: ok… so we’re on then, look I gotta go now, my boss needs me
He: see you Friday

[now that wasn’t like her at all] [oh how would you know her] [ I know I don’t know her, but I mean she sounded restrained and holding back, I don’t understand this, where is the laid back, confident, sexy her? Can she really be that different at work? Oh who are you kidding? No one is that different at work]
[should I cancel Friday? So as not to sound too eager? But what if this is my last chance? What if that’s what she wants but is too shy to say? No go and be the best you that you can be]

driving back home, “he” heard a David Gray song on the radio (be mine) and it reminded him of her. How unlike them to play David Gray
(resisting an urge to send her text to checkout the radio) [that would be too stalker-like, she would definitely freak out, hell I would

*song ends, “he” pulls up the driveway at home

She Said:

[should I have said something when he asked if we were still on?] [cramps, PMS, Nothing beats PMS, he’s a big boy, he should be able to handle a little PMS]

[well too late now, stupid bitch]

She Said: narrated to me and partly acted by me
He said: purely imagined by me

Afterword/ Kareem Said
What would you have done? As a “he” or a “she”
I find myself increasingly being asked for help in sticky situations, and while I could live without their problems, it never seems to interrupt the flow of my day, gives me sight into how lonely we get sometimes


p.s. I love winter

Thursday, October 05, 2006

i need a break...uh

-no more blog for a short undecided while
-ramadan and work and ramadan working hours and everything
-i'm travelling to dubai for less than a week starting next sunday
-then travelling again to france and belgium before the end of ramadan ( i hate business trips in ramadan)

i hate not having me time, anyway enough with the bitching

"i'll be back"


Wednesday, October 04, 2006

on losing "IT" again

turning back to your first time

we all remember our first time don't we (at least i do)

wether it sucked or not, wether it's worth remembering or not

and now, you think you haven't done it in such a long time that u grew a new celophane wrapping instead of the one you popped

man... making new friends can be hard labour sometimes

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

wolf whistle

i just got wolf whistled by 4 girls on my way to work this afternoon, hehe

they made my day (call me silly but it did)

update/clarification: they weren't 4 girls, it was a group of 4 girls

Tagged by LoLo

ya LoLo i have been looking for an English version of that tag for a while now, shokran ya madame :p

1) Are you happy/satisfied with your blog with it's content and look?

The look i couldn't be less satisfied with, i need a new template desperatly. as for the content i am "more than happy" with it (george carlin once said that "more than happy" sounds like a dangerous mental condition, i've been using it since then)

2) Does your family know about your blog?

my mom and dad know i have something called a blog ( i explained to them that it's some form of " online magalet 7a2et". i'd rather if they don't read it though, as for my sis she discovered my blog sometime after the Dahab incident, all she had to do was type dahab, explosion, arrested and kareem and she got me as the first result in her search

i gotta say it feels strange a lil' wee bit that my sis reads this since she knows all about the initials, she knows who are (H), (R), (N), the asshole, she knows everybody probably, and it's definetly wierd having her read you talk about your family problems

3) Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog or you just consider it as a private thing?

i believe if my friends were reading it that would bias what i'm writting about, i'd be afraid what they thought or worry about hurting someone's feelings. that's not even mentioning (the asshole) and the 4-5 posts about him. so i appreciate being partially anonymous, the only exceptions are a couple of my friends who won't judge me (2 or 3)

4) Did blogs cause positive changes in your thoughts?

a little bit, it helped me vent a lot of anger at times when u couldn't talk about stuff with anybody

5) Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or you love to go and discover more by yourself?

i used to discover in the begining, even before i started blogging myself, but for the past 2 months i haven't had the time at all :( and even the ones who comment i sometimes spend a week before checking their blogs.

Where is number 6 ya lolo?

7) Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures?

I do, with the ones i read regularly. i have also mentioned that i have a problem following a blog with someone putting his smug pic on his profile yet somehow this only applies to egyptian bloggers (for example T.A.N, Dave Lozo from why not get drunk and blog? or (p_is_for_payj) from (things that make you go "hmmm") have their pics on their blog and i'm fine with them)

8) Admit. Do you think there is a real benefit for blogging?

well, there are if you're a famous blogger, or if you're not then u have something to bitch about, plus it's like this matt dude said at "50 millionblogs... some of them have to be good

9) Do you think that bloggers society is isolated from real world or interacts with events?

of course they do, most blogs are about the real world, reality tv minus the tv

10) Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing?

depends on the form of critisizm, i like smart critisizm even if it's harsh, and i'm against personal attacks

11) Do you fear of some political blogs and avoid them?

no. i fear our government.

12) Did you get shocked by the arrest of some bloggers?

well... the fact that they were bloggers wasn't what got them arrested, it's what got them out

13) Did you think about what will happen to your blog after you die?

it's gonna miss me.

14) What do you like to hear? What's the song you like to put its link in your blog?

links to music on webpages are the devil, some of my favorite bloggers i can't read because whenever i go to their page my p.c freezes and closes all explorer windows, although i could recommend some songs, i usually do HERE

15) Five bloggers to be the next "victims"?

Hmmm... i dunno who hasn't done it yet. mando? raghood? walaa? T.A.N and Arima from Hakaza ana, hathor, TINY, and anybody else who bothers basically.... oooh and Sand-e tab3an and N if she's into tags

p.s it's i don't know that many people not that much people ya LoLo :p

Monday, September 18, 2006

yarab te7eb... aho enta

on my way to work this morning i was approached by a beggar kid (there's been a significant increase in them recently, maybe it's a government policy or something) and all of them automatically go for the young dude in a suit

he passed by me and turned around to follow me, saying the usual stuff (got some spare change? type sayings), what almost stopped me in my tracks was hearing him say (ya rab te7eb) which translates to i hope you fall in love

my first instinct was to go "oh yeah!!! well i hope you fall in love too!!!"

cuz when u think of it, is that really a good thing to wish upon the unsuspecting good doer?
I mean how many times have you fallen in love? and out of all those times how many times did it turn out to be "the one"? see footnote (1)

oh by the way are you still with that one? or did u do something to push him away ( i say him cuz i came to terms with the fact that all of you reading this post are female - with the exception of mando) Is he still out there searching or perhaps even enjoying life with HIS one?

The problem is we have been led to believe that there is a one out there for all of us, hollywood standards, happy endings, AND we began expecting to find them in real life, which let's face it even hollywood itself stopped doing (the breakup for example)

p.s. actually i LOVE my female readers, came to terms is an understatement. i love everything female but u probably knew that

(1) "the one" is a ficticious character blown out of proportion by different forms of media, he is sometimes reffered to as a hero in old tales (rumor has it he lived a long time ago in old syria but these rumors were never verified) in other versions of the tale he is rumored to return at the end of life on this earth.

or something

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

her face

i need to speak with my ex (the ex)

a lot has happened since our "unexplained" breakup

about 2 years have passed and till now we're not as friends as i'd like us to be

i'm not fishing for an explaination, i'm not eager for a quick "reminder" of the good old times, i'm not trying to get her back, i'm not trying to make her see that i'm better off without her, i'm not trying to impress her, i'm not trying to re-live old romances, i'm not trying to hook up with her hot best friend, i'm not aiming for a sympathy-make out session, i'm not trying to prove to myself that i'm over her, i'm not trying to prove to myself that i still need her, i'm not trying to get her out of my system, i'm not missing her the way a guy misses his ex, i'm not looking for a pat on the back or reassurance.

i just need a familiar face

and her face till now cries out with familiarty
her face screams with all the long moments we spent talking about nothing and everything.
her face -along with her voice- can make me forget or even get over stressful days
although she caused me stress sometimes
i still haven't found someone who made me even half as stable as she did

she shares the factual -shit happens- attitude with me like no one ever has or probably can
she shares the love of life and the acceptance of it's bitchness with me like no one else
she's the one who lives by the motto no regrets, just like me
she's so "truthful" that she'll make you cry
she's so tactful that she'll make you fall in love with her

she can be just as annoying as i can be, a little bit more

where have you been? i miss you, miss you, miss you

Monday, September 11, 2006


we talked yesterday...
we chatted about stuff, like we've been doing for the past 3 days or so
i hope she doesn't freak out when she reads this

i found myself telling her stuff that i would easily share with my close friends
the few of them that remained
and yet i don't know her

and it's not that i said stuff i shouldn't have
or revealed a dark secret
but i was extremly at ease while doing none of the above

she doesn't know me too
the fact that we are strangers makes it so much easier to tell her everything
when we talk... it's like we've been there for a while now

so, should we remain faceless to each other
some sort of therapy? an advanced audio form of blogging?
will it last either way or fade anyway

anyway, i guess only time will tell
wish me luck oh wishing well

p.s i think i need a new mobile phone, any suggestions?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I'm Hitler

i actually took this test about 3 months ago, and the result came out to be Sadaam Hussain (with the phrase "people who don't like you better like chemical weapons" written in the middle of the picture) i wasn't convinced so i decided not to post it

now 3 months have changed and i figured maybe i was biased by some unfortunate asshole-related event or something that ticked me into answering ugly answers

and you thought sadaam was bad huh?

be afraid


p.s which reminds me does anyone know the song "even hitler had a girlfriend"?? you can find it on my small lyrics blog

A man lives to be 112 on a diet of sausages and waffles

even more proof for you healthy eaters

you're gonna die young and miserable


Tuesday, August 29, 2006

i wrote this post a long time ago

this video might be old but it's a first for me

if you've ever been either a 2pac fan or a dave chappelle fan

you are welcome

and the lyrics (at least what i could figure out)

[DJ: Exclusive, this is that new 2pac!]

Listen close, as life turns its pages
Makaveli here, kickin' rhymes for the ages
Seen things in stages, wise words spoken by sages
From SkyTel to BlackBerry pages
Your crew don't phase us, we'll make you bustas pay us
Run up in your spot like CJ from San Andreas

I wrote this song a long time ago
A real long time ago
Feel me!
I wrote this song a long time ago
It was the dopest song I ever wrote... in '94

What can a ***** do, when half the people voted for George W.
It's a *****, **** George W. -- can't be true --
I wanna choke him, because he's a snitch
I'm talking about George W. Smith
From city council, he ran in '93
Out in Oakland, you probably didn't hear about him

I wrote this song a long time ago
A real long time ago
Way before Slim Shady was in demand
Way before we dropped baloney on Afghanistan
I wrote this song in '94

How am I doin' this?

Look around the club, see everyone in the place
Showing 'Pac love got a smile on my face
The girl in the miniskirt has bad taste
Because her shirt don't match
And there's a puddin' stain on the back
What the **** is that?
It might be doo-doo

And you in the back, you ain't ****
You bought a gin and tonic but you didn't even tip
And if you hit the table one more time then the record might skip-might skip...
I told you, stop hittin' the table.

Tupac Shakur,
I wrote this rhyme in 1994
I'm not alive!
Thug life!
Dave Chappelle, that ain't your wife
A married man, you've got two kids
Go home!

I wrote this song a long time ago
A real long time ago
Way before Beanie Sigel had to do a bid
Way before Dave Chappelle had two kids
dont give him no cutchie.

[DJ: 2pac, rest in peace.]

Okay, I will!

Monday, August 28, 2006


"The truth is most guys cannot have fun without their fiancées (not these guys anyway) the truth is an engagement is a neutering process for the guy, plain, simple, cruel and extremely effective."

friends. can't live with them, can't eat them

Something is seriously wrong with the people of this country

I am in the middle of one of my most anti-social phases in my life (however, this antisocialism is only directed at my existing friends, yet i seem to be more than willing to see new people and explore new options)

Do we need friends? Like really need them

What’s the purpose of having friends in life?
- support when you're too soft to handle your own problems
- To cheer you on when you've done something good (or someone)
- Advice (if you ever listen)
- To hook you up with their single friends
- And to bitch about your emotional problems to them

Now does this mean that if one of your friends stops doing or being all of the above that you will cease being their friend? (Probably not)

Why is the main question, why do we keep them as our friends if they fail to match the criteria for friends, and why are we so unwilling to make new ones when we are satisfied with the ones we have.

I have lost more friends over the past 10 years than any other person I know, and it's not out of me being an asshole (I still keep mediocre contact with some of them and most of them still speak highly of me to others, of course there are others who don’t remember me as I am sure I forgot some of them in the following list)

In no particular order:

Ahmed E
Ahmed M
Mohamed M
Mohamed N
Ahmed A
Mohamed F
Mo C
Ahmed S
another Yasser
Mohamed T
another Sara
(the asshole)
another Mo
another Karim
another Ahmed M
(F) the second first kiss
N (my girlfriend of a year and a half)
another Sara
another Anna


another Ingy
yet another Karim

another Salma
yet another Sara
yet another Yasmeen
another Aliaa
Mai (again)
another Heba
(R) the real first kiss
about 3-4 Dinas
another Omar

And the list goes on...

And... I have no regrets at not being friends with them anymore

My point is that out of all these people, none have remained, is it just me or are your lists this long?


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Kabbeit kell aghradak 3al taree2

The title is taken from the song " Manni 2elak" by soap kills

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I drive alone back from mohandessin (about 30 min drive) and during the drive my thoughts drift to R who my last talk with was over a year ago and my last physical contact was 3-4 years ago, the only reason for these thoughts? A song

As much as I hate admitting it, she was one of my most influential experiences, and one of the few ones which helped shape my current character

The thing that I remembered yesterday was our late night telephone conversations, which led me to think about how we met and why we met

(R) was known for liking bad boys and I was the ultimate boy next door type, hell I was totally inexperienced when we first met, not just physically but even sociably, I had only started having female friends in high school about 2 years before I met her

Was it the fact that I was pure at the time that attracted her? Or was it that I had a few similarities with her ex of 3 years? the one she was allegedly married to in secret (3orfi marriage) As I see him today I realize that we do have some similarities when it comes to voice, posture and overall composure, not looks but the way we carry ourselves and the way we are soft-spoken.

How can you be so different from someone in life's experiences and genetics but in the end be very similar to him in your overall general air? I think I am more similar to him now than I was back then, maybe she has that effect on men.

I dunno if I want to thank (R) or if I want to shout obscenities at her, in the end it all worked out but I wonder if it would have turned out exactly the same but through some other path.

I believe you can't change who you become (or the final result) you can just change the path and subsequently the memories which you hold dearly to your heart or lock up in your Pandora’s box, it's a weird theory but I believe it holds some truth to it

p.s Slovakia was great, but that's another post altogether

Monday, August 14, 2006

get to know your blogger

the title shamelessly stolen from T.A.N

so is the rest of the post :)

1. What is your full name?
Kareem FromEgypt

2. What color pants are you wearing?
i am waering jeans shorts (light blue)

3. What are you listening to right now?
K's choice right now it's their song "believe".

4. What was the last thing you ate?
A frosties breakfast bar, they're Grrrrreat, plus i am home alone for the next 2-3 days so it's all about what's been left in the fridge.

-- #5 was actually deleted in the original e-mail, which means T.A.N's friend must have edited one of the questions out. BUSTED! --

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Darkish Blue

7. How is the weather right now?
Hot and Sunny. plus a little bit humid

8. Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?
(H) an e.x of mine to cancel breakfast plans

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
The Assimiliated Negro is the funniest blogger you will ever read in your life

10. How old are you today?
24 years and 1 month and 21 days

11. Favorite drink?
Water, coffee, Rauch's iced green tea with lemon

12. Favorite sport?
Basketball (both playing and watching)

13. Hair color?
Dusty (supposedly darkbrown)

14. Siblings?

15. Favorite food?
Again a tie of Lucille's cheese burger and pasta with pesto

16. What was the last movie you watched?
Superman (in theater) didn't like it that much, phantom of the opera (t.v) didn't finish it

17. Favorite day of the year?
Any day off work

18. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I don't remember

19. Summer or winter?
Winter, definetly winter, less sweating, brighter faces, even the clothing looks nicer

20. Hugs or kisses?
depends on which i had last, can i have both?

21. Chocolate or Vanilla?

22. Do you want your friends to email you back?
well it's not an email anymore so i guess it would be more appropriate to put it up on their blog

23. Who is most likely to respond?
Raghoody, Mando, Maybe Spanish Moza and Sand-e-sez

24. Who is least likely to respond?
Yasjess, Alluring, Nerro, maxxedout

25. Living arrangements?
Still living with my parents (it's frowned upon to move out in Egypt)

26. When was the last time you cried?
Last saturday in Bratislava in the arms of Andrea (we both cried, but it wasn't too theatrical, just a few sniffles and fewer tears

27. What is under your bed?
A drawer full of towels and sheets (boring, i know)

28. Who is the friend you are sending this to you have had the longest?
i guess we could say who's been following my blog the longest, that would make it Yasmina/Funky Jazz

29. What did you do last night?
PLaystation, coffee with my cousin, blogged, dinner with a friend, ooooh and i had the best chocolate souffle ever in Tabasco in Zamalek

30. Favorite smell?
i like the smell of skin, pancakes, very irresistible by Givenchy, Precious heart by Guerlain, Deep red by Hugo. and for men i like the smell of hugo energise ( i wear it almost everyday) and Givenchy blue label

31. Favorite TV show?
Scrubs, Family Guy, WWe smackdown (guilty pleasure) and the practice

32. Happy In life?

33. What are you afraid of?
being unwanted

34. Butter or salted popcorn?
Butter and Salted

35. Favorite car?
Depends on who's driving

-- Where's 36 son??? --

37. Number of keys on your key ring?
7 (car, Home, Building's key, my room, my parent's room, my drawer, and my dad's home study)

38. How many years at your current job?
3 years full time (did it part time for about a year if you add up the months)

39. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday? i think

40. What did you do on your last birthday?
now that was something that some of you wanted to know. well i went out on the night before my birthday to hang with some friends, watched a soccer match (it was the world cup) then went to After 8 ( a pub downtown) and listened to some live music/danced ( a Rai music band called Sahara, and they're quite good)
woke up next day (actual birthday day) went swimming and tanning, had lunch at sangria by the nile (beautiful place) then went for dessert with another group of friends including my current "girl on my mind" in another place, flirted, went back home, changed then went to heliopolis to hang out with my school buddies.... it was fun

41. How many cities have you lived in?
Cairo for all my life and Antwerp,Belgium for 2 months in 2004

42. Do you make friends easily?
to a certain extent, and i get rid of them easier if they cross me.

43. How many people will you be sending this to?
basically everyone who follows my blog, all 11 readers :)

Sunday, August 13, 2006


can u ever need someone?

isn't it all about want?

isn't love mainly selfish thoughts and posessiveness?

blind jealousy being commonly mistaken for love rather than the insecurity/posessiveness it is.

i hate jealousy, i am almost never jealous. i know i am not the most handsome in the room, i know i am not the funniest, i hope i am the smartest (although i accept the fact that i am not) but in the end i also know that she chose me (wether it's till death do us part or till we get home that's a different story) why she chose me is also another mystery but remain assured my poor insecure friend that at the moment she likes you and only you (or at least she likes you most)

i only remember being Jealous once!!!! and that was when my GF at the time used my best friend to make me jealous, wether it was on purpose or not in all cases it worked cuz we are complete opposites so it's not a matter of comparison anymore it was a matter of choice, it's either u like this or u like its opposite, you know

what i hated most was that she managed to make me jealous, she managed to get under my skin, she had me hooked and i don't like being dependant on someone emotionally. things went well for about a year or so then the inevitable happened and we broke up and for that year i was never jealous again

do selfish people get Jealous? since they want their lover to themselves? or is it that they are to absorbed in themselves and protecting their own feelings that they never allow themselves to become so attached to the level of jealousy?

i have noticed that i never liked any song with the lines "i need you" in them in fact i am banishing them all from my ipod, the only exception is savage garden's i want you (i don't know if i need you) because it fits perfectly with my current way of thinking and says it like it is

it's like puddle of mudd said in their song "control"

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

it's more about control, controling the other person's life, controling their love, possessing them, even controling when and how they love you, wouldn't we all want that, isn't this what the phrase right person at the wrong time is all about? being selfish lovers

it's not "i love you"
it's "i love the way you love me"

Saturday, August 05, 2006


as part of the festivities of the annual vacation i am going to slovakia for the next 9 days (yes i started my annual vacation)

holler at me if ur near bratislava

otherwise, i'm gonna get back to you on the 10th day
no blogging on the vacation (not like i've been doing a lot of that lately)

see u when i get back


Monday, July 24, 2006

married & miserable or single & lonely

the title is from chris rock's "never scared"

"ain't no happiness nowhere"

no moving on to more important issues

having a F*ck buddy/ undercover lover

u see, in all the kinds of friends u could have, assholes and anything else, no one comes close to the value for money u get out of a f*#K buddy, even a making out buddy is good

as long as the rules are set straight from the begining and u can both be adults about it that is.

in my short time in dating i have had 2 friends of that kind, actually there was a third but she was an ex so that is some sort of bending the rules.

the main problem u get naturally is when one of u decides he want's more out of this. and it's not the girl all the time that wants more.

the rules are... well they are mainly don't fall in love, don't kiss & tell (optional) and don't call to have me change a tire or help u with something, and i promise to keep u updated on any developments in the emotional department regarding other girls, just so that we keep our guards up

if the current boyfriend/girlfriend requests that we stop meeting then there should be no hard feelings, and definetly no schemes to ruin the relationship (that's a no brainer)

did i miss something???

i'm not sure what else, i am drawing on experience from 2-3 successful tries.

oooh one more thing, there should be no mind games, no pretending to like someone else, no pretending that u like ur fuck buddy, no nonesense at all.... and definetly no getting u chocolate at 4 am none at all

p.s u were not the reason/inspiration behind this post ms. giggles ;)
seriously you weren't but thanks anyway ;)


kissing to the tune of the doors' "love me two times" is something i recommend to anyone

but don't take my word, try it yourself

pucker up baby

talk about H

this is addressed to (H)

you were nothing except something to come back to maadi to instead of going home

i'm sorry it didn't work out between us, actually i think you are more sorry than i am

getting engaged without letting me know was low, what's lower is that even after 8 months u still haven't bothered to call.

so i just wanted to tell u, there was NO chemistry, there were NO feelings, i was onto you from day 1

what kind of person falls for someone in 5 days? that was too fast for me to believe honey

so if u ever read this, know this, i am talking about you (H)

p.s you should do something about those eyebrows girl, i'm fine with thicker brows but the rule is they can't be thicker than mine

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Those F#*ing addictive blogthings

You Are 4% Obsessive

You're less prone to obsessive thoughts than the rest of the world...
While you do get hung up from time to time, you're excellent at clearing your mind.

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.


this one is also true

You May Be a Bit Borderline...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!
When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...
And when you're down, your whole world is crashing
Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

Friday, June 30, 2006


DisorderYour Score
Major Depression:High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:Extremely High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:Moderate
Postpartum Depression:N/A
Take the Depression Test

thanks Hanouma for the link

i always thought i was chronically depressed, with slight abnormal happy days

i am interessted to know how you guys faired in the same test, tamenoony that i am not the only one who's scored highly on 3 of the 5 categories (you too Malice)


Wednesday, June 28, 2006

my penis name

Your Penis Name Is...

Pumping Pole of Penile Power

And to think they got all of this from Kareem, hehe

i went back and tried my full name and i got this

Your Penis Name Is...

Beefy McManstick

i like the first one more

has an official ring to it

by the way this blue template sucks white ass, any place i can get nicer ones other than the ones on suggestions LOLO??

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Raghoody Asked

Why do i blog???? raghood asked and i willingly answer, maybe now she'll hook me up with that delectable moody sister of hers

1- why do i blog? well... i guess it's pretty apparent throughout my posts that i'm a very moody person and that i don't adhere to a single theme for my blog, i blog my thoughts and they are as diverse/different as my mood swings (from backstabbing friends passing by second first kisses to songs lyrics and even an occasional Family post, not to mention fidelity) i have mentioned several times that i view blogging as some sort of self therapy and thats why i do it, the only topic i refrain from addressing is politics cuz let's face it i am as tech savvy as i am blonde, so it's probably gonna take "them" about 4 seconds to locate me and i'm sorry but you ain't gonna fuck me.

2- how i started? i signed up to blogger in order to be able to comment on certain blogs, i signed up in december and my first post was in feb about Valentine's day it started as an introductory post about me then evolved into my theory on that Fugly day.

how i was introduced to blogs is through manal and alaa i was googling wi-fi hotspots in egypt and immediatley i was hooked, it's not everyday you find people writting about airplane wankers and in arabic kamaan, pure genius, and it's through manal and alaa that i was introduced to other's like sandmonkey and later on through sandmonkey i discovered yasjess and so on i began stumbling accross more and more blogs, i have been following blogs since july 2005 (more or less)

3- will there be a day when i'll quit blogging and delete it all? can't really say if i'll quit or not, whenever i feel like i'm losing interest, some event happens and you feel like you must vent out, i guess life will always present bloggable thoughts to us, in any case i'd never delete "the truth" even if i quit, it's my first, plus i feel that there might be some people who would be interested in reading it. plus it's near criminal to assassinate thoughts once they've been put to pen and paper or in this case blog, i am extremely annoyed when there's a blog i follow and have some of it's posts on my fav list is deleted and i wouldn't want to do this to anybody

Friday, June 23, 2006

I'm turning 24 on the 24th


time for a celberation everybody, pop the champagne bottles, party on

as if anybody should need a cause for celebration

and for this memeorable occasion allow me to quote mr Kanye West in his song celebration

Yeah, you know what this is
It's a celebration, bitches!
Grab a drink, grab a glass
After that I grab yo ass

and also

But, I just thought you should know
We hit the liquor store
Got some Cris and some Mo
And we about to let it floooooow

Had some problems before

but see we let em go
Got an ounce of that dro
And we about to let it blooooooow ho, ho ho

ho, ho , looking for some hoe's haaaaay


actually it's still tomorrrow but heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wwwoooohhooooooo

i'm heehaawing from today and will continue till sunday morning

get me something nice

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Thanks mom

my sister is constructing a family tree on some website

she was talking with us over lunch today about how she didn't know the full name of our grandma (my dad's mother) and she had to leave it at her first name

and my mom was like: oh honey, it's (so and so) i wrote it in your photo album as soon as you were born

I just had to interrupt: oh mommy dearest, what does it say in MY photo album ( i am evil)

my mom: "silence"/ blank stare

my mom: i wuv you

being a first born is cool, being anythingelseborn sucks white ass

p.s. I wuvv you too mommy
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow purple pills

so what's up with the good ole rents? what are they thinking ya3ni?

it's been a while snce they acted crazy

i thought they outgrew it

last weekend all hell broke loose after they went for a lunch together

i got a call after meeting up with a friend of mine in city stars on saturday

phone rings

me: hello
my sister: enta fein? (where are you?)
me: i am in masr el gedida
Sis: your mom and dad got in a fight (just like the good old days)
sis: i dunno, all three of us were having lunch and it was all good then on the way home something went FUBAR
me: how bad is it?
Sis: well... she left the house and doesn't us to want to tell him where she is, says if he really cares then he should call
me: hmmm... that's new

now the problem is that my mom is the kind of person who if approached about a certain problem, she enjoys the attention and magnifies the whole thing ( so we didn't wanna talk with her so as not to make matters worse) i figured she was going to my aunt (khalty) because she has a sprained back and can't move at all, so i called there

and to my surprise i find that my -usually calm and usually defensive of my dad- aunt is also bouncing off the walls (wierd?) and saying stuff like "no, your dad has gone too far this time" and i was like WHAT STUFF???? i don't understand and both of them replied "i can't tell you, ask him, if he wants to say"

i ask her if she wants me to come ack to maadi and she says no stay out with your friends

so i figured maybe this wasn't an episode of mom overreacting and maybe the guy did something wrong

Next day (sunday morning)

i get a phone call from dad which was mainly about work stuff and after we were done i ask him about the previous day

Dad: abadan yabny omak fehmet ghalat (nothing son, your mom misunderstood) he was quite calm actually
me:well, she seemed like she was enraged
Dad: asl heya la2et 3elbet viagra kont gayebha li ankelak (A) 3ashan howa beyetkesef yotlob men doctor (R) (she found a box of viagra that i had brought to uncle (A) [who happens to be his best friend] because (A) is embarresed to ask doctor (R) [another pharmasist friend of theirs]
me: ya ragel uncle (A) bardo??!!! (for Uncle (A) you say?)
Dad: yes and i told her so but she want's to believe otherwise
me: well... i wouldn't believe you (she has her reasons to doubt)
Dad: normally she may have had but not in that case, to start the box was sealed, not to mention that doctors forbid me from using it because of my heart, and she knows that!!! plus if i wanted to hide it don't you think i would have found a better place than than the glove compartment? (in our line of business you learn how to hide stuff)
me: well you might have a point, did you tell her?
dad: i told her, but she doesn't wanna believe me
me: she will, just give her time, i think

so there you have it folks, it's not enough that they are very incompatable and that they mix like oil and ice tea, now we have my dad's close friend (A) and pfizer to worry about as well, god bless pharmaceuticals and horny mid-life men

another reason why i believe my dad is that he is my dad, therfore we don't need viagra :D

this reminds me of a parody song by [flight of the conchords] called "business time" in which the guy says:

making love
making love for
making love for twoooooo
making love for twooooooooo minutes

when it's with me, you only need two minutes..... because I'M INTENSE

two minutes in heaven.......... is better than one minute in heaven (LOL)

so do you believe PAPA???? actually i do because he did have surgey without telling us at all ( i found out when i was looking around in his desk for some work related stuff a year later and found his will he had wrote and explaination for what to do after he's gone) so it's not just a lame "oh my weak heart" parental excuse