Monday, December 03, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Ended last week.
No more In-a-Relationship With HER
We sure had our ups and downs, she was and still remains a great girl who did all her best to make me happy.
God knows i did my best too :(
But as Anouk once sang "my best wasn't good enough"
It worries me to be at this point in my life, where being single is more appealing than being in a relationship
Am i addicted to being single??
A little background info on my dating history: I don't have relationships that last longer than 3 months, there was this one time (at band camp ;) where i had a relationship that lasted for a year and a half, and now this is my second longest relationship ever (and my most real)
My Mean, Median and Mode is less than 3 months. What? Am I that hard to please?? do i have a very thin line rather than a range of what i want in life and out of a relationship??? the rigid bastard that is me. I know i am quite flexible when it comes to what I'm expecting of my girl to do... but when it comes to what is expected of me I'm not so nice... it's more of a I'm-gonna-be-flexible-with-you-and-let-you-do-what-you-want-so-let-me-do-what-i-want.
Cause for alarm you say? I think i heard someone say Emotionally Crippled.... yes you at the back...
Kareemfromegypt: Now is the time to be self centered, to worry about myself
Kareemfromegypt: when did you ever stop being self centered?
Kareemfromegypt: Don't be such a bitch, bitch!!!
Kareemfromegypt: ooooh, such a tough guy aren't you? what are you going to do? Slap yourself?
Kareemfromegypt: I feel quite tempted
Kareemfromegypt: Well... Bring it on Pretty boy!!!!
Sorry about that, he does like to cause a scene... I'll deal with him later
I'm not crying, I'm not depressed, not that much, I'm not sure if i'm holding back any feelings, not allowing myself the time to grieve, Refusing to grieve in the first place, not allowing myself to pity my failure, refusing to view it as failure. There is her though, i still worry about her, worry about how she's doing, worried about whether i should be by her side, continue to give her the "mediocre" support that i was giving her, Or if being close to her will remind her of the good times, make it harder for both of us to move along. I do want her as a friend cuz she's a really cool friend, and i always find it easy to talk with her and i think she thinks the same of me. We did agree to remain close, not to try to ignore each other, to pick up from where we left before we got into this relationship, and i'm ore than willing to do that
over the past week, 3 days in a row i couldn't get to her, i'd call but she'd be busy... and it sort of made me feel that she was ignoring me on purpose, that was one day after we agreed on being there for each other, on not disappearing, and i couldn't help but think that she was ignoring me on purpose
last thursday (the 4th day of me not being able to talk to her) i called her up on my way to see some friends, and we had a nice one hour long chat about that, it went okay, wasn't Super and yet wasn't a disaster... i think we can do this :)))
Now I'd love to sit and chat but i have some Schizophrenic butt kicking to deal with :)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
not to mention that he's supposedly a doctor, and a good reputable one. How can that sorry pathetic excuse for a father be like that? how can he know that his daughter, who just went into back surgery less than two months ago is in severe pain and not do anything about it?
I feel helpless, i don't know how to handle this, i blame her for being that helpless, i blame her for letting her case deteriorate to that extent, i blame her for being afraid of hospital and doctors in general, not that she has had a good example at home, i blame her for not trying to get help directly from his friends or from her other family members, her aunt, her grandmother, anyone, and i blame her for not yelling/crying loud enough for her worse than deaf piece-of-shit Dad to hear.
i don't care if he has "problems", even if he's going bankrupt, even if she used to cry wolf as a kid, even if he walked in on his two sons fucking, no human being is that selfish, i hope he suffers, i hope he experiences her pain AND her helplessness, i hope he DOES walk in on his two sons blowing each other
i HATE that man more than i have hated anyone else in my life so far, i hope he does have even more "problems" than he has now , i want to see him suffer even more than he is allegedly suffering now, i want to see him writhing in pain, both physical and emotional pain
Friday, September 14, 2007
i haven't been this depressed in a very long while
i haven't felt the need to be alone, to deal with my invisible shit since almost forever
it's putting a strain on my relationship, and on everything, i just want to be alone, want to be left alone
and she doesn't understand nor appreciate that, cuz she's the kind that needs people around her when she's depressed, i don't want anyone to pamper me, i just want to deal, to try and find out what's making me feel this way
why do i resent my life and other's lives as well, we make fun of some shit on a daily basis yet some people's dreams are that very same shit we make fun of.
walking hand in hand 3al kornish, eating icecream from some shop then waking back home, that could be a romantic thing to do if it was in any other country, without the hoards of sons of bitches waiting to either comment on you two or grope her depending on your location.
yet blaming them is only part of the equation, it's hard to teach people about equality and respecting the female body when their own body is not respected, their hunger pangs, their dignity, from the policeman, the rich guy in his car, the neighbors, the other people riding on the bus.
we make fun of random stuff, for example it's my turn to take you out today, let me buy you lunch, Erm... didn't you say you craved fuul and ta3meya sandwiches?, yet most people eat that more than once a day, it's not a joke, it's sad
i feel like crying, and again i haven't cried in a while, i've been detached from all forms of emotional stimuli for longer than eternity and now it's all coming back in one strong combined blow to the gut
i feel hate towards society and life and contempt towards myself and my like, the privileged ones, i feel we don't do enough and i'm not sure if i want to do something, cuz i don't believe it will make a difference and i can't live with myself for feeling like that
i haven't felt that much disdain for myself in a very long while
He's the smartest person you'll ever meet, a sense of humor that's unmatched, a genius both conversationally and academically, the guy was the top of his class and the top of our school with virtually no studying.
he sent us a mail about a month ago appologizing for not being a "good friend" and all, and his exact words were:
It has taken me quite a while to write the next couple of words ..
I just wanted to apologize for not being a very good friend lately, even though I honestly don't understand what the word means .. I know I have "disappeared" many times before, and it isn't very amusing any more .. But of all the times when I just couldn't deal with everything, I had never felt the need to vanish so strongly before ..
I have been dealing with a lot of things lately, and I just realized that I can't resolve all of those issues on my own .. I acknowledge the need to seek dedicated professional advice .. I really appreciate your concern, and I apologize again for being a prick ..
Hope you are all doing well, and hope next time we meet it will better for all of us ..
that last paragraph in particular "Hope you are all doing well, and hope next time we meet it will better for all of us .. "sounds a bit too suicidal for my liking
i don't know how to reach out to him, i'm sure he's got real shit on his mind, the heavy, hardcore type, like being raped or seeing your mom in bed with another guy or seeing your younger brother blowing his uncle or something, just not sure what to do with him, and he's never been the type to talk about his normal problems, i can only imagine what some real shit will do to him.
i hope he's seeing a therapist
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
THE ex is what i call my former girlfriend of a year and a half, the relationship that felt most right, not an ex, the ex
I just got off the phone with her and she broke me
i haven't felt like crying in ages
her whimper really hit the spot
plus the fact that i'm not used to her being vulnerable, she's tough as nails when she needs to, and she's been through a hell of a lot over the past 4 years but never complained.
although we don't talk regularly, i still care for her, despite the rumors that were never confirmed, despite never giving me a reason as to why she broke up with me, she'll always be special to me
may God give her more strength for that one
will get back to you guys in a while
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
i think that's something a lot of guys can claim, i think i read somewhere that guys in general don't remember their dreams as well as girls although they dream with the same frequency
and i usually enjoy long uninteruppted stretches of sleep, very few times can i remember having problems sleeping
one thing i do remember quite well is nightmares
Nightmares are nature's way of giftwrapping some shit for you
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I got lost 3 times in London as a kid.
Yep that’s right three times, you’d think I’d have learned by maybe the second time but nope.
I would like to go on the record that I love London and consider it my home away from home
It all started when I was Six years old, I was on a school trip, not an official school trip per se but it was supervised by our school or something don’t really remember the only reason I went was because my sister was going and my mom was going anyway at that time so it was either London or my grandma’s house
On one of the organized outings we were supposed to go to see some place (possibly the tower of London, maybe Madame tussauds wax museum or some other similar place)
I tagged along and daydreamed most of the time (I used to daydream a lot when I was a kid) actually all my school reports stated that “kareem is a very bright kid…bla bla blah but needs to pay more attention” then on the ride back to the hotel I was sleepy so I sneaked to the back of the crowded bus and cuddled next to a “pretty” girl (too bad she was too old for me, she was in grade 11 or something while I was six, it didn’t work out) I was cute back then, before the weight and the pimples and the insecurities piled on.
I woke up maybe an hour later to find that the bus instead of the expected noise of the teenagers who were on board I found two nice middle aged ladies and one possibly deceased English man with a weird hat on his head, I remember distinctly that I didn’t cry, and that’s coming from a kid who was around 6 years old that time, and who didn’t speak English very well.
Now the way things are in this life Is that now if I find that bus driver who helped me find my way back, to the hotel, called them up and told them there’s a kid that you guys forgot, bought me chocolates and gummy bears or something (and a diet 7up) I don’t know why he bought me a diet 7up but I distinctly remember that it was diet (maybe he thought I might be diabetic and I have tons of respect for him even if that wasn’t why he got the diet one) but the sad truth is that if I he needed a blood donation I wouldn’t give it to him cuz I don’t know him now, I owe him a lot yet there’s no chance in hell that I’ll be able to pay him back, maybe that’s the reason we’re meant to “pay it forward”
Do you guys find it strange that I remember tiny details like the diet 7up one?
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz
didn't know lust had me done keda, i always liked to think of myself as a more decent person, not pervy perverson
other than that they got the rest pretty right, i do get a lot more Angry, Lazy and Greedy than Envious, Gluttonous or Proud
Saturday, July 14, 2007
but first, i'd like to appologize for the delayed absence for those who cared enough to ask, and also appologize for not replying to their comments
so this is what i wrote back in may
Shokeir told me there must be something that’s worth writing about for you, something that grabs your attention enough for you to contemplate and come up with a conclusion about or at least an opinion (that was his answer when i told him i haven't been inspired lately)
The weird thing is that I don’t, and haven’t had in over a month now
For over 2 years now I’ve had a very successful spell of being sharp and observant, mainly about relationships cuz I’m not one to talk about politics and in a way I think everything else has a way of taking care of itself (work, family and friends)
Yet the main challenge that so many twenty-somethings fail to complete successfully is finding ourselves a partner (that’s what I honestly believe, or else I wouldn’t be over thinking it) (I like to consider myself a smart person)
So being it that I was single for over 2 years. That left me with analyzing everyone around me, no one was safe, not my parents, not my friends, not my clients and it was cool at first, predicting when this couple was going to split or why that couple did. It reached a point when I crossed over to analyzing friendships and their dynamics and in a sense I still do.
Now this long introduction / self analysis happened in my head yesterday after I read shokeir’s message.
The reason I haven’t been blogging lately, not even checking other blogs (other than being busy) is that I’m now in a relationship.
Who would have thought I would not remain bitter. Bitter, truthful, kareemfromegypt is now in a relationship and happy and content with it, is accepting the stuff he wouldn’t have been accepting under any other situation, finding them perfectly normal, not only that but actually enjoying them
Now Ain’t THAT strange?
This reminds me of the Gym Class Heroes Cover of “take a look at my girlfriend” especially the bit,
“It’s been some time since we last spoke
and this is gonna sound like a bad joke,
but momma I fell in love again,
it’s safe to say I have a new girlfriend”
“And I know it sound so old,
but cupid got me in a chokehold,
and I’m afraid I might give in,
towel’s on the mat, my white flag is wavin’
Okay so writing this post less than 2 months after I wrote about love being the Tender trap makes me feel weird, completely shatters my credibility, destroys the way I view myself :)
But maybe, just maybe, this might be the time, time for me to actually meet someone who not only makes me happy (that wasn’t the issue but eliminates the “what ifs” and “maybes”.
And although I still have a lot to know / learn yet I just wanted to state this…
I love you Mrs. Banana :)
P.s For anyone who feels like vomiting after reading this post, I left several buckets alongside the tissues by the exit :)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Whether it's by amplifying the truth/reality
Whether it's by accepting stuff that you wouldn't normally put up with
whether it's putting a special ringtone for them or going out of your way to please them
we all fall for that trap at somepoint in our lives
Should i remain the only sane one out of the bunch? or should i wise up and join the crowd?
why do we pretend that being on our own isn't getting to us? IS IT? Sometimes it does.
Am i really that sane? Rather than a commitment phobe / ingrateful prick? someone with issues, some serious baggage? i don't feel like i have baggage, not very heavy ones at least.
whether it's making a fool of yourself infront of a total stranger, or worse (a close friend)
whether it's a girl groping another girl at a party
whether it's proposing to your ex g.f 3 months or so after your current love turned down your marriage proposal
wether it's willing yourself to marry a guy you barely know, who lives in Japan, and who won't even be there during your marriage cuz he can't take time off
Holding out for a hero? more like holding out till the next person shows up.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Oh how it killed me when you said no.
Killed me, to the extent that when you called me for the first time in 4 months,
I was willing to ditch (R) my first kiss
and we all know how important she was. How she had me fucked (from her effect on me) for about 3 years after
Now that i look back (M) on how i felt
i can't but wonder what magic you spelt.
but the magic is done babe, and so am I.
I see you now and can't help but think how weak you are, how life made you bitter.
It didn't help that your default setting was sarcastic bitch, was i gonna be the one putting up with all the insecurities? You changed though...
you see the sarcastic bitch was cute, because underneath it was a nice person, a beautiful, funny girl who wasn't afraid to sound foolish, when did all the insecurities pile up??????? we're supposed to grow more confident as we grow up,
yet with you only the sarcastic bitch grew, and the beautiful, confident part wasn't there to prserve her sanity.
AND i'm glad i missed the show.
If you are a firm believer in fate & that people will end up in the same place no matter which route/path they take then it wouldn't have made the tiniest difference if i was there.
And when i see what i wanted for myself i thank God that my dream didn't come true cuz honestly (M), I Don't want to be your hero anymore.
Several times a month as i'm leaving work at night i get greated with the sight of a young mother crying somewhere between the ground and second floor and EVERY SINGLE TIME it's because she can't afford to treat or hospitalize her kid, it's not like their beggars or professionals or anything, and the sight of them with their family around them looking that helpless makes me feel like shit.
to be at that stage where you can't afford to treat your kid is depressing, and yet a the same time it's quite... ummm....
1. last beverage? Sugarless Coffee
2. last phone call? College Buddy (S)
3. last instant message? (N) checking if i was going to a certain outing, i didn't
4. last cd played? Amy Winehouse's debut album "Frank".
5. last time you cried? Drunk on Tequilla and being accused of being an asshole to an all-round great Gal, not sure if it was the tequilla or the girl.
Section 2 - 6 Have You Evers:
1. dated someone twice? In General i don't, but i did it once for revenge purposes
2.been cheated on? I think so
3. kissed someone & regretted it? Why?? now that u mention it i think i do
4. lost someone special? Family members and a girl i knew from school that i cared about
5. been depressed? i'm depressed on a daily basis :)
6. been drunk and threw up? twice in my lifetime so far
Section 3 - List 3 Favourite Colors
3. A tie between Dark Grey & Pink
Section 4 - This month have you (Past Month)
1. Made a new friend? mainly got back in touch with a lot of old ones
2. Fallen out of love? I wasn't in love aslan
3. Laughed until you cried? i teared up so yes
4. Met someone who changed your life? Sadly no
5. Found out who your true friends were? Nope
6. Is there something you want to tell someone? hmmm... i guess so, but do you really want to know??? i actually am more straightforward than i should be ( for my own good)
7. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? If that means Kiss a female friend then yes, if it means anything else i'll kick your ass
8. How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? huh?
9. How many kids do you want to have? i'd rather have girls than boys but i guess ideally one of each
10. Do you have any pets? I'm allergic to cats and dogs, and i don't consider goldfish and reptiles pets so no i don't
Section Five - What Else
1. Do you wanna change your name? No, it's damn sexy baby
2. What did you do for your last birthday? previous night Went out at night to After 8 with a couple of the dudes, then on the actual day i went tanning in the morning, then lunch at sangria with some college buddies, then desert with auc buddies, then caught a movie with some more friends, it was good
3. What time did you wake up today? 7:10 am (first time i hit the snooze button was 7:10 am)
4.What were you doing at midnight last night? Driving home
5. Name something you CANNOT wait for? Finishing one of them Damn novels, peace of mind, Finding a girl who understands me and likes me for me.
6. Last time you saw your father? I see him all the time, we work together and i haven't moved out yet :(
7. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? Not sure if there's anything, if i give it more thought i'd probably tell you a couple of things though.
8.What are you listening to right now? Tristan Prettyman's live rendetion of " November"
9. Have you ever talked to Tom? Tom dah yeb2a khaltak
10. Have you ever talked about someone behind their back? I blog about them behind their back too
11. What’s the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone? My dad's polo shirt, ever since i lost weight i can't find summer stuff that fit
12. Who’s getting on your nerves right now? A lot of people but i choose to ignore them
13. Most visited webpage? Kitco.com, email, wikipedia (it's the devil)
14. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi in egypt, coke elsewhere
15. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week? Yes (usually kissed and being kissed go hand in hand)
16.Mac or PC? Never tried Mac, so Mac.
y'all been tagged
Friday, March 09, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
Ooooooh and Walaa tagged me before them bardo
update: LouLou Bardo Tagged me
Not a lot about me that people don't know but I’ll try
Here goes... my dignity
- I had asthma as a kid but you can't tell now, and definitely not by the way I smoke
-as a result I wasn't allowed to play an sports as a kid (the doctors restricted me from doing it)
- I studied to be a Danseur as a kid for about 2 months (that's a male ballet dancer for you simpler lot)
- The longest time I’ve spent going to the gym in a row was 3 weeks, 4 times a week
- I once kept checking that I set the alarm clock on the right time for 12 full minutes
- And I almost always have to re-check that the car doors are locked (even my friend's cars)
- and it doesn't help that the 2 times I forgot to do so I came back and found that I left the windows rolled down as well
- I can barely stand to listen to one song from the beginning to the end; I usually skip to the next song after a minute and a half
- Although I was at some point 45 kgs overweight (100 pounds) I was still quite flexible (I could and still can bring my foot above my head, not quite over it just barely on top of my head but still impressive in my book)
- I have extra sensitive skin (for the lack of a better word) which can be quite bothersome but comes in handy at some other times
- I adore girls with thin lips; I prefer thin lips to the fuller kind (unlike most men)
- I prefer fuller women to thinner ones (ya3ni 5 kilos overweight is better than 5 kilos underweight, 10 kgs overweight better than 10 kgs underweight and 20 kilos overweight better than dead)
- I can't whistle
-and I can't make bubbles with bubble gum (not once in my life was I able to make one)
- Until I was in high school I didn't know how to snap/click my fingers (I suddenly woke up and could)
- My confidence/self esteem level changes from 1-10 almost every other day
- I have a certain inclination to dislike exceptionally good looking people until they prove themselves worthy
- Naturally I’m not rather fond of extra-skinny people who eat more than I do (they make me feel like i got the shitty end of the stick)
speaking of which.... Why Is There Shit On Either Ends Of The Stick In The First Place???????? (i don't think i reeeeaaaally want to know though)
Now who do I tag??? It seems like everyone else has done this one
Saturday, February 10, 2007
I am supposed to be working of possible schedules for working hours for my business as I’m not comfortable with the existing one
Instead I’m listening to tristian prettyman (a very cool female vocalist, similar to Jason mraz and jewel in style) and downloading songs
All of a sudden walks in this quite tall girl, with exceptionally black hair, white complexion and a black coat, she looks like (H) except her eyebrows aren’t thicker than mine :)
What is apparent is that I’m probably still not completely at peace over how much of an assholette she was to me ( I guess what goes around comes around) that’s the one thing that is keeping me from being bitter about this issue entire issue
Damn that girl smells fine (she just passed by me to greet her boyfriend )
Regarding work….. hold on I don’t wanna talk about work
Let’s talk women…
Yesterday I saw probably one of the hottest women in Cairo, not only saw her but she was dancing about 3 meters away from me, not with me but hey, can’t win ‘em all
It was the engagement of my best friend’s brother, and she was the sister of the bride, the much older sister, who also happens to be engaged.
Not only does she look like a goddess, she also dances pretty nicely.
What is it about a woman who can dance????
I also remember another woman at after-8 who is definetly in her mid-thirties, short and dark who used to drive me crazy, when ever I saw her dancing I’d get this silly, ridiculous smile on my face and I’d do my best not to look at her for longer than 3 seconds so as not to freak her out (imagine this drunk guy smiling at you for no apparent reason and smiling as if there’s no tomorrow) and the way she dances is just like that, like there is no tomorrow.
I don’t believe that crap about If someone is good at dancing then they must be good in bed, just as much as I don’t believe that people who finish their food quickly are bad in bed, cuz they’re not the type to savour/enjoy their food or cuz “they are clumsy vertically so they must be horizontally too”, I find that argument quite shallow, like saying if someone is bad at designing cars then he/she must be bad at designing clothes.
Back to the woman at after 8 and dancing and what it does to people, i don’t know why I like looking at people dancing, I am a bad dancer myself, mediocre at best, but it’s not like I find all dancing erotic, sometimes its innocent, sometimes you appreciate the fun someone’s having through dancing, sometimes it’s the chemistry between the dancing partners and sometimes it’s the beauty of the human body moving in such ways that I thought were impossible
I believe watching someone dance is one of the ways to understand a lot about them at that particular state, that is if they are good at expressing themselves through their body, or actually good at not letting their insecurities stop them from expressing it, I mean in my case I’m usually a much better dancer just by having a few drinks, I usually only feel like dancing when I’ve had a few drinks
They say the grass is greener on the other side (tristian prettyman sings alongside bushwalla)
Dancing couples. I was once dumped because I couldn’t dance, seems like quite a shallow reason to dump someone that you connect with better than anyone else you’ve ever met ( I guess she might have had other reasons that she thought were too ugly to mention)
Who do you think has got it worse, the partner who likes to dance but can’t do so with his/her loved one or the one who knows his/her partner likes doing something that they can’t do for them?
“Put your hands to my hands, put you knees to my knees
Put your eyes to my eyes, come one baybe compliment me
Cuz I don’t think that we
Should ever feel the need to worry
Ever get ourselves in a hurry
You know I love you, you know you love me”
This tristian chick sure knows how to sing, easy on the eyes too, you know when I first read the name I thought it was a guy (tristian from the interview with the vampire series by anne rice) (brad pitt’s character for those who didn’t read the book but saw the movie)
Thursday, February 08, 2007
she is the kind of person who chooses to believe in the inherit goodness of people, borderline naive (and she has a quite innocent voice)
so that's why the ending was unexpected
the following conversation ensued
Me: you know they say Men shouldn't talk too much on the mobile (Actually I did read it in the paper that talking on the cell lowers fertility/virility)
Her: Why?? (suspicious tone)
Me: they say it's not good for you
Her: good for me? or good for you?
Me: well... actually it will affect both men and women
i don't want to shock her with talk about erections and virility so....
Me: they say it affects one of the functions of men
Her: what function?
Me: the primary/main role for men
Her: the primary function of men is to make money
[ am i the only one to find that reply hilarious???]
Not to mention that it is quite true :)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tempted by what Raghoooda and Juka did I decided to do the same list
Best Arabic Movie: I’m not really big on Arabic movies but I liked Ouija
Best English Movie: The Holiday and Crash as far as I remember
Newcomer of the year: Sick puppies or Zuzana Smatnova (I’m not sure if they are newcomers)
Album of the Year: Justin Timberlake’s and Cheb Mami’s are playing a lot on my ipod
Most played Song: 1) Distractions by Zero 7
2) In the Waiting Line by Zero 7
3) Hallili By Cheb Mami
4) Pocestny By Zuzana Smatanova
5) Sexy by Black Eyed Peas
Best Clip: Arabic: Al Asmarani by the love of my life Maya Nasri (Ya Mozza)
English: “Here It Goes Again” By Ok Go (funny and simple)
Books Read and Loved: Haunted By Chuck palahnuik, the unbearable lightness of being by Milan Kundera, Zakerat al Jasad by Ahlam Mostaghnami, I’ll update with the rest as I remember them
Best Outing: Slovakia in August with Andrea, our buddies’s I and L’s place, Lucille’s, and sometimes the late nights with the guys at cilantro (it’s the only place open after 1am in Maadi, or was until recently)
Soccer Mania: I’m not really into soccer, I attended the semi final of the African cup of nations, it was awesome, and some nice ladies too
Things I had never done prior to 2006/ 2006 firsts
- Accused of trying to hit on my best friend’s girlfriend (at the time)
- Started a blog
- Attended a Football Match at a stadium
- Had lies spread about me (by those closest to me)
- Almost died/ Had a bomb explode a couple of meters away from me
- Had a friend get scarred for life as a result of that explosion
- Became main suspect in a terrorist act.
Been interrogated by the police force (peacefully) (for about 24 hours though)
- Had my Name Published in the First Page of El Ahram Newspaper (the most circulated newspaper in Egypt) (right below the pic of el rayes kamaan) along with yahoonews, aljazira.com, and Cnn
- Was Cleared of all those accusations
- Became the only single friend in my group (all are engaged or married)
- Kissed a Lesbian (who was willing and Enjoyed it) (I’m guessing enjoyed it since we kissed again on several other occasions) (not a very good lesbian huh?)
- Traveled to Slovakia
- Kissed a Woman who was 10 years older than I was (on our first date)
- Spent an entire night in a strange Woman’s Bed (yes she was in it at the time) (and no, I didn’t hire her)
- Kissed 3 girls in one week, in 2 different continents (2 on the same day)
- Inhaled Helium (that was cool)
- Met someone online
- Became Good Friends with that someone(s)
- Had a Friend almost OD on me and the other one fall asleep after one of our friends engagement parties (for about half an hour I was drunk and responsible of taking care of both, before backup came)
- Joined a Belly Dancer in her routine in London (not by Choice)
- Became somewhat involved with a Girl 2 years my senior
- Traveled 6 times in 8 months
- Went to Cardiff, Wales
- Became Good Friends with a Spanish girl (love you too Chio)
- Dealt with 2 Japanese Women (that was fun too)
- Read more than all I read combined in the past 3 years
On the Political Arena: I’m not into politics awy, I do remember the Lebanon incident, saddam’s execution, the numerous protests in Egypt, The arrest of protesters including bloggers, the mention of Egypt building a nuclear Reactor, Darfur, the democrats getting majority of seats and the Voting Incidents
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Some people think I only write depressing stuff, I’m not so sure that I only write depressing stuff, but I do think the better stuff I wrote was more depressing than the normal/less depressing stuff I wrote
I have a healthy imagination, not superstar caliber yet, but the older I get the better I become (I think so)
Now coffee aside
You never understand writers block until you get it, I never sympathized with blocked writers and I don’t expect sympathy from non-writers.
The way I deal with it is that I write about anything and everything, like what I’m doing now, to grease/ oil the machine, maybe if you write long enough this will steer you in the right direction, and maybe just maybe you will have something worth writing.
Having time helps though, being distracted with normal everyday stuff is a sure way to stop writing.
I tried a lot of things to get me to write, some songs help, particularly K’s choice songs, and out of all their songs “in your room” does miracles to me.
One more thing I tried and am happy to report that it has worked is scribbling incoherent random shapes on a piece of paper, and repeating that shape over and over (for example a half circle) and connecting those half circles with each other, I take a step back and look at the shape and sometimes I see something in that end result drawing that inspires me to write.
Anyway good luck with what you are doing in 2007
People you might write about?
Sometimes that question comes up to mind, wouldn’t that be a bitch?
My sister found my blog a long while ago, back when I used to write regularly (I think around May), part of that was because I had pointed out some blogs that were worth checking out. (even before I started one myself) eventually she found mine, especially after I wrote about the dahab incident, all she had to do was search for dahab, kareem and arrested, and I came as one of the top matches.
Now I love my sister more than I love any other person in this world, seriously, I’m not saying that just cuz she might be reading this (I’m not sure if she still follows this blog or not), and while some might argue that the tone of this blog is a little bit shocking (to some people, my sister included) her finding out about my blog has affected my writing, ok not to a great deal but still, I usually tell my sister everything, but I leave out the graphic details and I feel the need to write about those details here (everyone loves details, me included)
I’m not saying I write my posts for her or even with her in mind as my audience but it hangs in there at the back of my mind when I do write.
So I went to Cardiff (wales) on my second day in london, it rained like hell that day, and I discovered that the water seeped through my backpack and ruined my manuscripts.
And now they are gone, forever
I was almost too devastated to chat up the two Lebanese girls on the bus ride back :)
I remained devastated for about 24 hours
Then I met Marwa (soft music plays in the background)
Never knew my memory could be that selective
It seems I can be quite annoying to brothers even if I do nothing.
Now the reason I do this is because I’m afraid a girl will get too attached or invest a lot emotionally in me, and while that might be good in some cases yet it’s not what I want now.
You see, I traveled to Alex. last Monday, to clear my mind, to use that time to self reflect.
It helped a lot, I broke free of what was bothering me, I wrote a lot, I finally took a look at the story I was writing (i had been ignoring it for the past 6 months) I feel a lot better and I love the sea, Alex. in winter is a special place, it helped that I was relatively alone in that place, and that I didn’t answer my mobile phone.
Part of the things I realized is my need for a casual relationship, something to help me remember the good parts about being in a relationship and not the ugly parts and the fights.
I am going through a good patch in my life, while everyone around me seems to be in some form of trouble. For example: the former asshole, but that’s a different post altogether
And it’s only during these times that I start to worry about the future.
The weird things is I’ve been told throughout my entire life that you should not lie to a girl, and I agree
Last Saturday night we were kissing, we kissed till the sun came out, then we kissed some more.
She asked me when was the last time I kissed a girl and I told her last Monday, she wasn’t really fond of that.
I always say never ask a question you don’t know the answer to (I’m talking about personal questions here), now someone might ask, why would you ask a question if you already know the answer to it?
But that’s not exactly what I meant, I mean only ask a question that you think you know where the answer might be, for example: ask him if he thinks you are fat (cuz he will most definitely say no) however don’t ask him if he thinks your nose is too big (cuz he might say yes) and so on.
Now moving back to meeeee
I don’t know if that was the answer she expected or what answer she expected, but I didn’t want to weasel out on her, I thought I should answer that question.
The night was still saved afterwards, my answer didn’t absolutely butcher the moment as I thought it might, she did tell me “lie to a girl, make her feel special”
I guess if I say that she is special a lot of people won’t believe me, but she is
I’m not saying I never lied to a girl in one of those moments, but somehow I thought she would be able to handle the “last Monday” answer
And there she was
A relief from all that
And I knew it was wrong, I mean i knew we couldn’t be anything in the future and that we have no future, she was just convenient, and it kills me to admit that (well I wouldn’t say it kills me but it pains me to say that) and now I feel guilty about her
I like the fact that she makes me smile
I like the fact that she can be such a “2arashana”
I like the way she greets me with the mini calls in the morning so as not to bother me at work
I like hearing her voice
I like how she closes her eyes and bites her lips when I touch her
I love the way she smells
I love how her eyes widen when she smiles about a compliment I gave her
I don’t like how she makes me feel like I’m her boyfriend when I’m not and can’t/shouldn’t be
so… as a result I thought I’d write it down, to document how she makes me feel
but it’s only fair to write what I don’t like about her as well :p
I like the fact that she isn’t afraid to say how she feels
I like the fact that she enjoys my shameless flirting
I like the fact that she shamelessly flirts back ;)
I like how she looks at me when I get her with one of my compliments
I like how she can be one of the guys and yet remain the girl she is
I like the fact that she is two years older than me
I like the fact that she is single
I like how I can excessively compliment her body without her taking it the wrong way
I like the fact that we got to be so close in so little time
I like her because she got me to say the expression “random” a lot
I like how she kisses
I like the fact that she calls me on my bullshit
I Don’t like the fact that she calls me on ALL my bullshit attempts
I Don’t like the fact that she asks too many questions that she already knows the answer to
I don’t like the fact that she is making me write this list
Amanda: You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and you’re insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway... I'm thinking we should have sex... If you want
Graham: Is that a trick question?
And the other one that I vividly could relate to:
I don’t remember the actual quote but it’s something along those lines
Graham: Women tend to get hurt just by me being myself.