Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's Over


Ended last week.

No more In-a-Relationship With HER

We sure had our ups and downs, she was and still remains a great girl who did all her best to make me happy.

God knows i did my best too :(

But as Anouk once sang "my best wasn't good enough"

It worries me to be at this point in my life, where being single is more appealing than being in a relationship
Am i addicted to being single??

A little background info on my dating history: I don't have relationships that last longer than 3 months, there was this one time (at band camp ;) where i had a relationship that lasted for a year and a half, and now this is my second longest relationship ever (and my most real)

My Mean, Median and Mode is less than 3 months. What? Am I that hard to please?? do i have a very thin line rather than a range of what i want in life and out of a relationship??? the rigid bastard that is me. I know i am quite flexible when it comes to what I'm expecting of my girl to do... but when it comes to what is expected of me I'm not so nice... it's more of a I'm-gonna-be-flexible-with-you-and-let-you-do-what-you-want-so-let-me-do-what-i-want.

Cause for alarm you say? I think i heard someone say Emotionally Crippled.... yes you at the back...

Kareemfromegypt: Now is the time to be self centered, to worry about myself
Kareemfromegypt: when did you ever stop being self centered?
Kareemfromegypt: Don't be such a bitch, bitch!!!
Kareemfromegypt: ooooh, such a tough guy aren't you? what are you going to do? Slap yourself?
Kareemfromegypt: I feel quite tempted
Kareemfromegypt: Well... Bring it on Pretty boy!!!!

Sorry about that, he does like to cause a scene... I'll deal with him later

I'm not crying, I'm not depressed, not that much, I'm not sure if i'm holding back any feelings, not allowing myself the time to grieve, Refusing to grieve in the first place, not allowing myself to pity my failure, refusing to view it as failure. There is her though, i still worry about her, worry about how she's doing, worried about whether i should be by her side, continue to give her the "mediocre" support that i was giving her, Or if being close to her will remind her of the good times, make it harder for both of us to move along. I do want her as a friend cuz she's a really cool friend, and i always find it easy to talk with her and i think she thinks the same of me. We did agree to remain close, not to try to ignore each other, to pick up from where we left before we got into this relationship, and i'm ore than willing to do that

over the past week, 3 days in a row i couldn't get to her, i'd call but she'd be busy... and it sort of made me feel that she was ignoring me on purpose, that was one day after we agreed on being there for each other, on not disappearing, and i couldn't help but think that she was ignoring me on purpose

last thursday (the 4th day of me not being able to talk to her) i called her up on my way to see some friends, and we had a nice one hour long chat about that, it went okay, wasn't Super and yet wasn't a disaster... i think we can do this :)))

Now I'd love to sit and chat but i have some Schizophrenic butt kicking to deal with :)


NileGirl said...

I'm sorry that things are over. I hope you're really taking it as well as you make it sound like you are in this post.

I have a question that will bug me forever (or at least for the next 10 mins) if I don't ask it. When you said, "continue to give her the "mediocre" support that i was giving her", you're saying that you KNEW you were giving her mediocre support the whole time right?

So why then? If you know you're giving her mediocre support then why didn't you start giving her more support? The amount of support that she might have needed? I'm curious about this in general about guys... If you know you're not giving enough then why can't you up the anties?

KareemFromEgypt said...

Nilegirl: I knew i was giving her mediocre support during the past month, not for the 7 months we dated... i was supportive in the beginning. Btw, i don't like being classified in the general group of "guys" cuz i'm special :)

i couldn't sustain the level of support that she deserved and required, as i said, my best wasn't good enough.

insomniac said...

sorry to hear about that!

well, at least you know your best wasn't good enough, and that's what makes you 'special' :)))

KareemFromEgypt said...

Thanks insomniac.

i'm struggling with several thoughts in my head pertaining to the break-up these days

insomniac said...

just don't write another "tender trap" post :) those are like relationship magnets!

KareemFromEgypt said...

I cherish that post more than you would know :)))

But i doubt i'll ever be that bitter any time soon.

Adrasteia said...

it sounds like crappy circumstances got in the way and it sounds like you both still love each other. i know i'm not supposed to say that word around someone who's broken up--but truly it sounds that way.
a break is a good idea but i dont think you should give up and let things slip away. maybe the seven year itch has evolved into a seven month itch with all these modern day complications.
i hope it works out. i hope it's not over.

KareemFromEgypt said...

Ya Adra: sorry for disappearing, it's not a seven anything itch... I've never dated the same girl twice, i try and i try once but if i do consciously take that move then it's over!