Drained

i get depressed a lot (not a lot as in a long while but like a couple of times a week for a couple of hours each)

sometimes you know why you are depressed (love, Family, Career, Friends)

i don't know why i am depressed most of the time, cuz everything is ok, family is ok, work is ok, love is overrated and friends are overrated.

but today i know why, it's cuz my head is extremly cramped with a shit load of things to do, decisions to make and actions to take... ok so maybe that's normal, or bound to happen every now and then, but this time i don't have time to sit and clear my mind, to come to some sort of peace with myself and the decisions i need to take. i constantly say i need a break, and whine about not taking one, and it's frustrating

it's a shame when you can't make time for yourself to work things out, not to mention helping others.

K

And they all lived happily ever after

a friend of mine once said a quote that i find quite appropriate for the title



"Ha2aw 2aw 2aw 3AAAAW"


fuck you all (fucking fairytale writters)


who wrote those anyway?

Rate your life man

It might not be worth it :)

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.1
Mind:	6.2
Body:	4.7
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	3.8
Love:	2.1
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

just thought you might want to know

my life is about average, my mind is just about average, my body is way below average, but sirprisingly my spirit is high, the friends/family took a blow cuz of my friends, as for the love life, i'm surprised that the average is this high (however not surprised that women scored higher) and finally finance (when you got no friends, no love, are over weight and your mind is rated lower than the average male then you'd better have some money or at least financial security

here are the averages of all those who took the test:

Life: 6.4
Mind: 6.1
Body: 6.8
Spirit: 6.2
Friends/Family: 5.0
Love: 4.2
Finance: 6.0
Count: 843,676

and by gender:
Life:
Male: 6.4
Female: 6.3

Mind:
Male: 6.4
Female: 6.0

Body:
Male: 7.0
Female: 6.7

Spirit:
Male: 6.3
Female: 6.2

Friends/Family:
Male: 4.9
Female: 5.1

Love:
Male: 4.0
Female: 4.4

Finance:
Male: 6.0
Female: 5.9

Counts:
Male: 349,915
Female: 508,330

of course it's all about how depressed/delusional you are, right?

Trusstt mee mi frend (in egyptian accent)

she is one of the most interesting people i've ever met.

No matter how much i say about her, i don't think there is anything to be said that can do her justice. the fact is, that i hadn't been impressed by any girl for the past year or two, seriously. i liked some girls, i felt "something" towards other girls, but never, for about 24 months had i been truly and totally blown away by a girl the way she managed to devour all sense of inner stability in me, it lasted for 3 days then i had to travel somewhere.

I came back a long while later (in between we texted and emailed) and in one of our outings (probably the second one) she springs up some wierd confessional shit on me.

Now for some reason people trust me, they trust me with secrets that very few people other than themselves know about, the kind of secrets that include the words (molest, pills, rape, affair, Gay, Slashing wrists, going after married women and sexual needs being ignored by husband)

I understand the need to get some shit like that off their chest, and i am grateful for being blessed with the quality that makes them trust me.
My concern in this particular case is that it wasn't done in the same fashion or trend i came to expect over the years.

First of all, wether it's about pills, finding out that your sister is dating an older man/woman in some cases or trying to kill yourself, what they all boil down to essentially is the need to share that secret with someone, and postsecret.com has provided that for a while, but personal sharing of one of those secrets remains the most effective way to reach or get the result because telling a real person about that sort of thing switches it from a popular post with many readers to a real secret (the kind that only you and the person you are telling know about).

In that case one "real" person is better than hundreds of virtual ones.

Why? because you can talk about that problem later with that person again, if his/her sis continues to date that older person or if the need to commit suicide persists, you can talk again about it and reach a conclusion and post secret doesn't provide that.

Ok. enough sidetracking

Now why would she spring up some weird shit like that on me and then avoid me after it till this day. I mean if she doesn't want to talk about it beyond that day, fair enough, but she still has to talk about something mainstream, maintain the same level of friendship, the level that allowed her to confide in me in the 1st place.

*She ignored me altogether and cited being busy, i'm sorry but busy don't cut it at all, i know busy, I AM busy, she can't just leave this confessional shit linger as the last words we spoke. (shame she doesn't read this blog though)


So babe, i'm sorry, but i won't be your emotional kleenex/garbage disposal. This is strike one and two to me, this is your last chance.

blah blah bloo

I am in the middle of writing a couple of the usual posts at the moment, but I’m too busy to finish any of them, plus writing other non-blog related stuff, so i leave you with this extract, if you can be bothered in the first place (i would)

it's a conversation between me and a certain Tiny person who i know in real life ( in fact came to know her before she started blogging) and who is also a close friend of cleopatrina (bardo i know in real life)

tiny is the one who said the following about me and made my day, week and year by saying so

"I thought, finally. A man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a s**t. And who can make that s**t feel like a woman. " Karen, Will&Grace (and no points deducted for quoting from will and grace cuz she quoted Karen)

It’s a little outdated and doesn’t reflect on my current mood, although it sounds like me sometimes

till later
K


Tiny says:
k?
Kareem says:
D?
Tiny says:
ana olt enta nemt
Kareem says:
la2 sa7y
Kareem says:
we zay man
Kareem says:
mana
Tiny says:
u ok ya k?
Kareem says:
not really
Kareem says:
not ok
Tiny says:
even in the sos, mesh enta
Kareem says:
not not ok
Kareem says:
la2 el sos dah kan depression from the diet
Kareem says:
i know
Kareem says:
the high protiens zero carbs depresses
Tiny says:
oui je sais
Tiny says:
i am just checking on u
Kareem says:
avec le bla bla bloo?
Kareem says:
francais c'est non?
Kareem says:
je parle francais comme le liblibb
Kareem says:
stick to english plz
Kareem says:
or francoarab ma3 enno annoying gedan
Tiny says:
ok then, english only it is
Tiny says:
anyways...get better soon ..life is not worth it
Tiny says:
it's too short and it's too yucky to give a rat's ass
Kareem says:
or two flying farts
Tiny says:
yeah
Tiny says:
3ala ra2yak
Tiny says:
bas keda
Tiny says:
that's what i wanted to say
Kareem says:
thx
Kareem says:
thx D i appreciate
Kareem says:
i do i do
Kareem says:
bas random ka2aba
Kareem says:
sometimes hits you
Tiny says:
what hits u!? ka2aba?
Kareem says:
yeah
Tiny says:
well it's redundant but i'll say it anyways..u know u sometimes have to hit rock bottom before getting up again
Kareem says:
yeah yeah
Kareem says:
been there hit that
Kareem says:
i live at the rock
Kareem says:
i like the rock
Kareem says:
the rock likes me
Kareem says:
we have become F*#K buddies me and the rock
Kareem says:
but then i rebel

and the rock goes like " u know enak akhrak ma3aya"

haterga3 haterga3 (ur mine big boy)
Tiny says:
u think u r the only one?
Tiny says:
u don't see ur reflection in others?
Kareem says:
i see my reflection in others?
Kareem says:
no no
Kareem says:
i don't sympathize with the others
Kareem says:
cuz the others complain
Tiny says:
looool
Kareem says:
while i became buddies with my rock
Kareem says:
i accept her
Kareem says:
it's a stockholm syndrome thingy with my rock
Kareem says:
I WANT HER
Tiny says:
come on..maybe it's just the mood
Kareem says:
maybe maybe not maybe the one legged man
Kareem says:
it's all good though
Kareem says:
cuz this weeks diet consists mainly of kitkat for breakfast
Tiny says:
seiously???
Kareem says:
hell yeah
Tiny says:
wad enta ba2olak eh!!!!
Tiny says:
u can dwell on ur mood for a while

but get back to normal

diet, moon.. whatever the reason mr cancerian
Tiny says:
just take ur time, and we'll be waiting at the other end..at least i know i will be
Kareem says:
oh come on!!!!
Kareem says:
don't blame it on the star sign
Kareem says:
i'm not a typical cancer
Kareem says:
typical cancerians annoy me
Kareem says:
they are babies
Tiny says:
they annoy me too elsara7a
Kareem says:
i know
Tiny says:
honestly, i see no happy ppl around me these days so it's no longer astronomy
Tiny says:
or astrology
Tiny says:
new planet found, old one turned into dust
Tiny says:
i don't care
Tiny says:
i want to be happy again!
Tiny says:
birthday coming up
Kareem says:
oh reehhehheheeaalllly???
Kareem says:
emta?
Kareem says:
virgo?
Kareem says:
the dreaded libra?
Kareem says:
the sassy scorpio?
Kareem says:
alo?

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
alo?

Tiny says:
sorry
Tiny says:
major pc crap
Kareem says:
it's ok
Kareem says:
so are you
Kareem says:
a
Kareem says:
dreaded libra
Kareem says:
wala sassy scorpio
Tiny says:
hahaahaa
Tiny says:
the dreaded one
Kareem says:
i'm playing an impossible game
Kareem says:
http://www.godtower.com/
Kareem says:
very tricky
Tiny says:
i am working on a very distorted screen

like the "safe mode"
Kareem says:
ok
Tiny says:
problems with vga card

leh dreaded ba2a?!?!?
Kareem says:
bad experience
Kareem says:
i'm generalizing
Tiny says:
well truth be told
Tiny says:
cancer and libra is a terrible match
Kareem says:
maho mesh dah el sabab
Kareem says:
and my terrible experience i wasn't involved with her
Kareem says:
she was the best friend of my G.F
Tiny says:
sounds like someone who ruined ur life!
Kareem says:
bent el
Kareem says:
lola el rkaba
Kareem says:
rekaba
Kareem says:
i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire
Tiny says:
have u ever met a libra man!??! they r the 3rd worst kind
Kareem says:
no
Kareem says:
they are the worst kind
Kareem says:
cancerian men are the 3rd worst kind
Kareem says:
after libra and leo
Kareem says:
and even aries
Kareem says:
yeb2a 4th worst
Tiny says:
eh dah!??! i love leo men
Tiny says:
they r almost always sexy!
Kareem says:
mahomma yet7abbo
Kareem says:
they are
Kareem says:
but they are self centered pricks who will never give u what ur worht
Kareem says:
worth
Kareem says:
and will almost always cheat on you
Kareem says:
and will make ur life living hell while doing it
Tiny says:
wow
Tiny says:
give me the aries review ba2a
Tiny says:
coz i have a love-hate relationship with em
Kareem says:
mesh faady
Tiny says:
i hate 1- virgo men
Tiny says:
2- aquarius
Tiny says:
3- libra
Tiny says:
grrrrrrrrrrr@ mesh fady

i'm back

they say on average a blogger lasts for 9 months

i would like to welcome you to the tenth month of what used to be called the truth (now the bitter blog)

The bitterness is gone (almost) although the name is more marketable than the truth which sounds too cliche

i am glad i wrote something, now if i could work on the template that would even better

so consider this an open invitation for coming up with names for my blog


check the post below the one you are reading now for my latest blaberings



I love you too,

K

He said she said bulls**t

He Said:

I don’t know why she is ignoring me, if she doesn’t like me then why the hell did she do this? Why did she go for it?

[pick up, please pick it up].

damn it, DamN It

[pick up, pick up, pick up]

stupid girls and their fucked up mind games, I shouldn’t be the one calling her, not in Egypt anyway, I’m just being nice, being a gentleman….. okay maybe a horny gentleman but still

[don’t call her again, don’t be so pathetic] [get a grip man]

[ok, an sms will do -----> hey girl, tried calling you today, [don’t mention the other night, or the fun you had] [concentrate] nothing important, just checking, holler at me when you get this

[holler at me?]
.
.
.

[Ok, now don’t tell me she hasn’t checked her mobile in the past hour, she’s all over it every 5 minutes] [Maybe she’s asleep] [Asleep my ass]



She Said:

Oh God, why is he calling again [you know why, he thinks this is going somewhere, he thinks it’s gonna happen] [he’s never gonna get it] ooooh should I answer??? [no, he should get the message, eventually]


“she” calls kareem

She: hey babe
Kareem: hey you
She: busy today?
Kareem: it’s my day off as u should know by now
She: ok, ok I’ll finish work and come to maadi, around 6-ish
Kareem: sounds like a plan (in a mocking tone)

[God, Kareem can be too sarcastic sometimes]

[ok, now if anybody would understand why I did this it’s kareem, at least he won’t judge] [not so sure that telling your make-out buddy about this is in the rules]
fuck the rules, it’s not like I like the guy
.
.
.
yo K,
Yo S

[Okay, should I just tell him or let him steer the topic as usual towards that kind of conversation] [no he might not do so, even Kareem doesn’t do it everytime]

S: Kareem, I need to tell you something
Kareem: shoot.
S. Well… it’s kinda awkward
Kareem: you know you can tell me

[I know I can, I’m just not sure I want to]

S: remember the Sinai trip I was telling you about?
Kareem: yeah, how did it go?
S: well…
Kareem: ahaaaaaa, you hooked up
S: kinda
Kareem: babe you either hooked up or you didn’t, I’m sure you can tell the difference by now
S: well there was this guy
K: ya benty we’ve established he’s a guy, unless you have one big secret to tell me, oh I’m gonna love you even more, was it a girl?
S: NO!!! Yaaa333
K: you like girls, you like girls
S: shut up and listen
K:….
S: well we didn’t hook up hook-up, we just cuddled in one sleeping bag under the stars.
K: Just cuddled up?
S: yeah
K: and you weren’t surprised he didn’t try to pull a move? I am.
S: well, no, it wasn’t dirty
K: you are one courageous, veiled, girl
S: yeah (weakly) (unconvinced)
K: so who is he?
S: I don’t know him
K: come again?
S: I know him, but not like I know you, I saw him like once before at a friend’s place
K: and??
S: and on the trip
K: you do know that by one courageous, veiled girl I meant stupid
S: you are not making this easy
K: ok… and you are having one hell of a guilt trip?
S: it’s not guilt at all, it’s just that he keeps calling
K: you gave him your number!!!!
S: yeah, and he’s already called me 5 times till now, answered the first couple of times then stopped
K: (silence)
S: what should I do?
K: well… Ignoring him usually does the trick, what do you want to do? Do you mind him reaching the conclusion that he was just “convenient”
S: well, if it can be done..
K: (interrupting) it can’t
S: I just don’t want to go further, I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to date him, I don’t want to have his babies, he sent me a text suggesting we go play tennis sometime
K: is that what you kids call it these days?
S: no! tennis, the one with the yellow bouncy ball and the big heavy rackets
K: how does that fit? It’s a weird location for a second make-out date
S: we didn’t make out make-out, we just necked and cuddled
K: like a a one hour hug?
S: exactly
K: problem is he still doesn’t know there is such a thing as a one hour hug?
S: yet, I was hoping he’d get the concept
K: it’s not very mainstream, anyway, ignore him and see how it goes, and report back with updates, so we can sort it if the shit hits the fan and he decides to follow you
S: guys his age don’t do such stuff K
K: what now??? How old is he
S: 35-36 (S is 22)
K: so you cuddle up with a stranger, who is 14 years older than you
S: (interrupting) he doesn’t know how old I am
K: shut up! Who is 14 years your senior, you give him your number, he knows what club you play tennis at and he knows where you work
S: yeah… OH
K: Good luck



He Said:

Ok, so she hasn’t called back [maybe today she’s in a better mood]
.
.
.
[still no answer]

ok how about another SMS -----> ok, now I feel like a stalker, 5 times in 2 days you don’t answer or return the call, and now this 3rd sms and still no answer, reply so I know you’re still alive

Phone rings

He: hey there
She: yo, stalker? I was just busy like hell yesterday, you don’t know how
He: so are we still on for tennis this Friday?
She: I guess so, why? Are you thinking of canceling?
He: I wouldn’t dream of canceling
She: ok… so we’re on then, look I gotta go now, my boss needs me
He: see you Friday

[now that wasn’t like her at all] [oh how would you know her] [ I know I don’t know her, but I mean she sounded restrained and holding back, I don’t understand this, where is the laid back, confident, sexy her? Can she really be that different at work? Oh who are you kidding? No one is that different at work]
.
.
.
.
[should I cancel Friday? So as not to sound too eager? But what if this is my last chance? What if that’s what she wants but is too shy to say? No go and be the best you that you can be]


driving back home, “he” heard a David Gray song on the radio (be mine) and it reminded him of her. How unlike them to play David Gray
(resisting an urge to send her text to checkout the radio) [that would be too stalker-like, she would definitely freak out, hell I would

*song ends, “he” pulls up the driveway at home
alone




She Said:

[should I have said something when he asked if we were still on?] [cramps, PMS, Nothing beats PMS, he’s a big boy, he should be able to handle a little PMS]

[well too late now, stupid bitch]




She Said: narrated to me and partly acted by me
He said: purely imagined by me

Afterword/ Kareem Said
What would you have done? As a “he” or a “she”
I find myself increasingly being asked for help in sticky situations, and while I could live without their problems, it never seems to interrupt the flow of my day, gives me sight into how lonely we get sometimes

K



p.s. I love winter