Trip and having kids



I am traveling for the next 5 days or so Egyptian Easter plus the liberation of Sinai gave us a long weekend and a much needed break.


I leave you with this thought to ponder.

What would you do if you discovered after 2-3 maybe even 5 years of being happily married to your soul mate that you couldn’t have kids?

I had this conversation with a couple of my friends a while back

And then we proposed the other option (what would one do if the soul mate was the one who can’t have kids?)

Tough call…

(M) said that he would remarry if she couldn’t have kids, cuz he wants kids and that having kids is what drives you forward after sex and glory fizzle out. (I’m not sure if he was the one to initiate the conversation or if I started the debate, but he was outspoken about it and quite honest). He also said that if it was him who couldn’t have any kids that he would divorce said soul mate to avoid putting her in a situation where she had to chose ( to save her the embarrassment of having to ask for divorce, to make the ball in her court, so if she was to shy or afraid to hurt his feelings by asking for divorce she wouldn’t have to) I found that both opinions were not a bad idea though debatable
p.s his girlfriend was not present at the time (although I doubt it would have made a difference)



“the asshole” agreed that if it was him he would save her from being the bad person by divorcing her ( not offering cuz she would just say no out of emotions, but by actually divorcing her and seeing how things work out after six months or so) upon asking him if he would divorce her if it was her who couldn’t have kids he said no that he viewed marriage as a death do us part more or less and one should take his soul mate as a package. He was single at the time but had feelings for the first girl/colleague and had just broken up with (N)/ his current fiancée ( my guess that the whole soul mate/ package thing was a result of his hopeless romantic phase) ie: I don’t think this would be his normal reaction I just think that this was how he felt at the time


As for (H) who was engaged and still remains engaged to (MO), she said that she wouldn’t divorce her husband or ask for divorce in the Egyptian sense ya3ni citing the same whole package thing and also stated that it’s hard t predict the reaction of oneself in such situations, when asked what she would do if it was her who couldn’t have kids she said that it wasn’t her decision but that she wouldn’t accept being “a dorra” as in him remarrying and keeping her as a first wife and that she would ask for divorce if he wanted to remarry. ( her fiance was not present too)


More or less the remainder of the girls approved the not accepting to be a first wife and having him remarry, which I agree with at the moment



As for me, who was highly single at the time by choice and still remains single now (for lack of choices) I had the following to say


Having kids is basically one of the fewest driving forces in life that are not associated with a selfish reward, I mean one wants to be proud of his kids but more than that he wants them to be happy, after your sex drive slows down and after the gleam or glow of having a strong career where you fulfill yourself in fades out, what most of our parents have is doing the best for us.
I’d like to experience that kind of unconditional love towards my kids, that kind of love that’s almost impossible to happen with a partner.


Having said that, I’d much rather be happy with my partner than be miserable with another partner and just staying together for the kids’ sake. So divorcing her or remarrying just because she can’t have kids is out of the question.

however if that fact affects us as it most probably will, and she starts getting insecure about that fact and start smothering me and accuse me of wanting to remarry and starts getting self conscious around other women and their kids then the relationship is doomed. ( so it’s not the fact itself but the consequences that will cause the break up)

on the other hand if I was the one who can’t have kids, then the situation differs, I think I would do the same thing (M) proposed which is divorce her, knowing me I think I would be insecure about such a fact, and that I can’t give her the one thing that most women want more than anything in life. Of course I’m talking about a hypothetical partner (I still don’t know what the actual situation will be) maybe she won’t be that big on kids :)




I’m not a jealous guy, I’m the opposite of that usually in a relationship, in a healthy relationship that is, when the partner considers your feelings. Childish attempts to make me jealous in the past haven’t worked either as I usually saw through them, the only time I get jealous is when I feel belittled by my partner in something she says, and in that case I will have something to be insecure about and i probably will be too alert and too sensitive

In the end I guess what I’m saying is it’s difficult to predict your outcome as it differs from one case to the other


One of my dad’s best friends and his wife don’t have any kids, and it’s a special case as well ( the doctors told them that due to both of them having low fertility, it’s not possible for them to have kids together, that means that if either of them had been with another partner he could have kids, it was a simultaneous decision from both of them to stay together, they tried artificial insemination a couple of times and when that didn’t work they just gave up, just wasn’t meant to be. (That was in the late 80’s so medical discoveries were not as advanced as they are today) probably if they had tried with what we have now it could have worked but they’re both over 50 now.


I always admired their decision, made me feel that there was still some romance in this world, and the fact that it was both of them made it even more romantic, there weren’t as many problems as there would be if it was only one of them who had the problem but still they faced some hardships because of their decision, the fact that none of them would be kid less if they had divorced and remarried and the fact that they chose to take the hard path together made me respect what they had.




In the end I would like whoever wants to comment on that topic to share his views, what would you do if it was you and what would you do if it was your partner/soul mate


P.S It’s a long post but I thought I must write something before I travel for the next 5 days, I’m not your regular 5 posts a day blogger but I try whenever the chance arises

More about me




here are some stuff about me!!!

i agree with the wierd, personality, and both kissing ones although the whole expert kisser makes me sound like a don juan (guess i'm a very fast learner)


shame on you blogthings!!! i never thought i was more female than male ( is that a bad thing?) although they did say "underrated blogger"... i like that

You Are 68% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold.You're full of passion and energy...Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.You never fail to get someone's attention.Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Kissing Purity Score: 46% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantityYou've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks offAnd you're adaptable, giving each partner what they craveWhen it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love...But mostly you're looking for fun.You could get serious with the right person.For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

You Should Learn Portuguese

Muito legal! For you, learning a language is all about the lifestyle that comes with it.And Brazilian beaches, hotties, parties, and soccer matches are just your style.

What Language Should You Learn?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

You Are The Opposite of Machiavellian

You don't have a cynical, power hungry bone in your body.Honest and kind, you believe being a good person is the most important thing.While your upstanding morals should be admired, be careful!You're at risk for being manipulated and toyed with.

How Machiavellian Are You?

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement. You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you. By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power. And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

hey, i'm a charmer!!! anyone feels like grabbing two cups of coffee tonight? i do like coffee very much and long talks ( i guess the talking part comes from me being 60% FEMALE!!!!)



update/p.s i appologize for the fact that most of the links don't work, something went wrong during the posting and i don't have the slightest clue how this stuff works :s

Another one bites the dust…






Are you ready, are you ready for this? Are you hangin’ on the edge of your seat?


(I wish I was making this up)
Here goes, another friend of mine (S) is getting married, Other than “my best friend the asshole”. He’s both my and the asshole’s best friend. What the hell can I say? Is it a virus? Some sort of epidemic? The Egyptian version of “march madness” ?

I guess the wedding crashers’ philosophy applied to him which is just plain wrong, the whole idea of getting vulnerable at weddings or engagements is supposed to happen to girls and girls only ( sorry ladies but it happens )

However I never heard of a guy pushing forward his proposal date by 3 entire months just because he attended his best friend’s engagement a week before. (Stupid people)


Anyway, I just thought I’d say SOMETHING about it, dunno what else to say

The lack of passion that R L told me about...






I was chatting with a friend from Spain, and while discussing and analyzing stuff she accidentally told me the reason behind my writer’s block

People who don't know me well and even some of my friends might wonder what block?


you see I have been in the process of writing a novel, it's my first time to attempt to write seriously and first time for me to write something longer than two pages and to commit to it for a period of more than two days (I bore easily) it was all good and I had a couple of chapters in the bag and things were going as I wanted them to, I really felt I had something good going on. (I still feel so)


Then I just dried up.


For no apparent reason I just couldn't think of anything new to write, not for lack of things to write about, I had many ideas, just couldn't get them down in writing for some reason and that reason was lost to me.


in the beginning I thought maybe I have to much to worry about at the moment as in not enough free time to get creative, and part of that is true I have very little spare time on my hands, then thought if you want to commit to this you have to schedule it, you know incorporate it in your timetable, make time for it

Well… that didn't work too, I scheduled three nights a week, just for that purpose and still I ended up during those three times a week doing nothing but commenting on blogs, I even started this blog to take my mind off the frustrations about the story.


In order to further understand the problem you must know that my story is about relationships, guys and girls in general having trouble finding what they want, and in some cases not knowing what they want. (I find the topic very interesting and at the same time I don't feel that there has been something similar to the way I address it) It has little hints of the movie closer, in the sense that it has a big emphasis on dialogue, I found that movie to be very well written, I enjoyed the dialogue very much, it's one of my all time favorites.

Now I read somewhere a well known writer say (probably Steven king in danse macabre but I can't bother to check it out) that the majority of first novels are to a very big extent autobiographical, this is what I strived not to happen in my case. I don't want to write about my personal experiences, not to publish it anyway, plus the fact remains that my experiences do not cover the entire range of things that happen in a relationship and I wanted the novel to have a little bit of the truth to “anybody” who read them ( tough challenge I know but I like it)

so moving on to the problem I was having with being blocked, and realizing that even though lack of time was a contributing factor it wasn't the main reason behind itso I thought maybe if I ignore it long enough it will go away, maybe if I just let it go the urge to write will seize me again as it did before

And as I was doing exactly so and chatting with a friend from Spain, she accidentally diagnosed my problem (she has a medical degree in some psycho-related field) and although she was commenting on Kareem in general I found that what she says is exactly the problem with my writer’s block.

She described me as a very passionate person, someone who’s passionate about everything from food passing by love and music and back to food again.

And it hit me… that I haven’t been passionate about anything for the past couple of months (how could I be???). Apparently while all the problems -specifically the ones with my friends- fueled me in the beginning to write more and in a better way they took out a lot of energy from me, and to that I don’t know what to say!!! (Although a few four lettered words come to my mind)

I need to find new people, interesting ones, to help with the feeling of betrayal that I have towards my friends, I have a whole lot of negative energy towards them due to a multitude of reasons. I need to get back in touch with my school and college friends from the past.

In the end this post doesn’t mean that I am back to writing my novel, not yet, however it does mean that hopefully I am on the way (right track) to solving it.

List of thing's to do: learn Spanish so I can get to know her better (her English is very poor)

she likes me for me...





I usually blog about my feelings, and i never liked blogs that consist of mainly copying and pasting stuff, wether it be song lyrics or funny photos or memorable quotes.

everynow and then i like to break that habit and today is one of those days


i really like this song and even though it's quite pop-ish i still listen to it at least once a week
please pay a lot of attention to the lyrics


Blessid Union of Souls

hey leonardo (she likes me for me)

She don't care about my car
She don't care about my money
And that's real good cause I don't got alot to spend
But if I did it wouldn't mean nothin'
She likes me for me
Not because I look like Tyson Beckford
With the charm of Robert Redford
Oozing out my ears
But what she sees
Are my faults and indecisions
My insecure conditions
And the tears upon the pillow that I shed

She don't care about my big screen
Or my collection of DVD's
Things like that just never mattered much to her
Plus she don't watch too much TV

And she don't care that I can fly her
To places she ain't never been
But if she really wants to go I think deep down she knows that
All she has to say is when

She likes me for me
Not because I hang with Leonardo
Or that guy who played in 'Fargo'
I think his name is Steve
She's the one for me
And I just can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Gazing at the ceiling as we entertain our feelings in the dark
The things that we're afraid of are gonna show us what we're made of in the end

She likes me for me
Not because I sing like Pavorotti
Or because I'm such a hottie
I like her for her
Not because she's phat like Cindy Crawford
She has got so much to offer
Why does she waste all her time with me
There must be something there that I don't see

She likes me for me
Not because I'm tough like Dirty Harry
Make her laugh just like Jim Carrey
I'm like the Cable Guy (or unlike the cable guy) i'm not sure
But what she sees
Is that I can't live without her
My arms belong around her
And I'm so glad I found her once again
Found her once again
I'm so glad I found her once again
Once again

i don't know what it is about this song but i find it hopelessly romantic and ridiculious at the same time which is all good cuz we all know love is ridiculous ( and it's a fast song too)
i always liked non-traditional love songs and that exactly what this song is about it's a celebration of love


i never even bothered to check out some of their other songs. they're my favorite one-hit wonders as far as i'm concerned


feel free to check it out at your lesiure


wouldn't we all like someone who likes us for us?

She Says...



http://forsoothsayer.blogspot.com/ wrote the following:

"much like other bloggers, I have the vanity to believe that strangers will want to read what my actual friends are not interested in hearing."



i really liked that way of putting it and moreover i'd like to thank the strangers who have so far been reading what some of my actual friends are not interested in hearing and giving me the motivation to keep on writting, thanks everybody, all 14 or so of you :)

oooh, and thank you yasmina for the link. i only wish i could pay it forward but my knowledge of html is as good as my russian


p.s the title of this post is also a song by the amazing Sarah Bettens lead singer of k's choice

feel good inc.






i'm feeling surprisingly well today? don't have a proper reason for my euphoric feeling but i tried breaking it down to anything tangible, and you know what? nothing no apparent reason whatsoever, i only hope it lasts for a while

F*#king Blogspot/blogger




apart from writting a one hour post then having the effin blogger misplace it somewhere i have no other complaints about your service. and i'm not the only one you've done this to lately

fuck you very much

Said i wasn't cheating then i began repeating

the title is from a song from the american pie 2 soundtrack by a group called jettingham the song is called cheating

(i just love women)

i met an old college friend online a couple of days ago and after exchanging the usual hellos and joking for about 10 minutes this is what followed

my thoughts and interpretation on what happened are in blue)

Me: wenty eh akhbaarek? (how's it going?)
Her: Fine.. No new news
Me: no news is good news
Me: they say
Her: yupp
Me: still engaged?
Me: you know who's getting engaged as well? (trying to lessen the importance of the previous question)
Her: Good question... Yesss
Her: Who??
Me: eshme3na good question? ( eshme3na = why is it)
Me: so you got over the cold feet and the worries? (another good question which she chose to ignore)
Her: ya3ny definitely people do not ask if you are still engaged
Her: they ask how is your fiance
Me: not me
Me: i ask still engaged
Her: ma3lena (ma3elna = whatever)
Me: so how is your fiance : )
Her: FIne : D
Her: Who is getting engaged then?? (didn't answer my cold feet question)
Me: I tell her that my best friend the asshole is getting engaged
Her: Kidding
Me: mofag2a ya man (surprise)
Me: tomorrow
Her: Reallllllllllyyyyyy
Me: 7aga weskha (doesn't translate well but something along the lines of shit)
Me: i have no remaining single friends from college save one
Me: but the rest of the close group
Me: betoo3 el safar wel 7arakaat (the close group with whom i travel and hang out)
Me: 2 married including one with a baby
Me: and two are engaged including (the asshole)
Me: and another one ra7 kalem ahlaha bas haynafez by the end of the year (and another one plans to propose by the end of the year)

anyway the conversation moved on to other boring topics of conversation, however in order to understand the meaning behind this bit you must know the FOLLOWING:

almost 7 months ago i was going to a wedding with this friend, it was a wedding of a mutual friend. And the following is what I wrote then before I discovered the wonderful world of blogging

the freaking out cheater: (mainly females) now this is a personal experience (I was the target of being cheated with) it happens with the Egyptian girl after being proposed to, if you know the dynamics of the courting game, and I guess in a lot of other places in the world, the male is responsible for 100% of the decision to get married and when a guy proposes, it’s usually after a lot of soul searching and coming to peace with the fact that he wants to settle down, this is not the case with the female as usually she doesn’t have a clue before the guy drops the proposal on her head and no guy takes the “I need time to think” reply well when he’s on one knee, so with the female being cornered into saying yes just merely by the fact that she can’t afford to say no (she does love him after all) and this might be her only chance at nailing this guy who after all she wants, just not right now

so with the female saying yes and the engagement being planned, she starts to panic, thinking Is this what I really want in life? Do I really want him? Am I gonna be happiest with him? And so on.

Now all it takes is a reference to marriage or being invited to wedding to unleash the panic monster and I was the unlucky recipient of aforementioned panic attack. ( I say unlucky because I’m a big believer in Karma and what goes around comes around and all similar sayings) plus I don’t like being a home wrecker)

This is what happened

We were on our way to a friend’s wedding, about a one hour drive, just 10 minutes into the drive I ask about her own engagement plans (note that I wasn’t invited to her engagement), just an innocent question to pass the time and I figured that should give us something to talk about (okay maybe the question wasn’t that innocent, maybe I was fishing for some trouble to boost my ego)

This is a summary of the conversation that followed

• So are you excited about the day after tomorrow (her engagement party)
• Yeah (in a very non convincing tone )
• U seem stressed about it
• more than you imagine
• why? I thought you’ve been dating for years, can’t imagine anything less stressful, there are no surprises
• well that’s mainly the reason, I don’t feel the spark anymore, it’s all too expected, I’m afraid that I don’t love him anymore and that all that’s left is that we know each other too well, that he’s cozy, like an old pair of shoes, but he’s not what I want (already she’s fishing for it, or at least implying that she would enjoy something wild, an indirect green light, like I’m the new pair of jimmy choo’s that will give her a new thrill)

note: I look more like the old school converse after three years of use than a jimmy choo so my guess is she wanted some sure shot guy with a dirty rep who wouldn’t refuse her in a hundred years, not that I was irresistible, I’m extremely resistible, infact I challenge my reader to point out anybody (any guy) who’s more resistible than me, don’t get me wrong I don’t see myself as ugly, I know I’m not ugly, just resistible

anyway back to the conversation, now it was my turn to say something, now how can I say something subtle enough to deflect her green light but not too harsh so as to ruin my future chances in case the engagement is called off and she’s back on the market and without sounding gay while doing that?

I lit a cigarette and took a long drag and figured partial brutal honesty could work

• you know, I always wondered about people who’ve been together for a long time and how they do it and I thought you were a good example to ask (stalling for time while still probing the option and giving her a chance to clarify her intent)
• Well, you know what Kareem? I thought that too until I heard him propose, then I started to question whether I wanted to begin my marriage with no spark, you know that a lot of the marriages that had a lot of spark failed, so what are my chances if I start with no spark whatsoever?
• Well the opposite could be said about a whole lot of other marriages that started with no spark and evolved into something solid
• I’m not convinced, I don’t know, and I’m scared
• Scared of what? Marriage? Or failing at it?
• Both
• Look, a big reason for failed marriages is high expectations, we go into them expecting we’re somewhat better than the rest and that our marriage is going to be a fairy tale, when in fact there are no fairy tale marriages, just look around you, look at our parents and their friends and our friends’ parents
• Way to encourage a girl to getting married
• I’m not encouraging you to get married, I’m trying to be a good friend, giving you a perspective that none of your girl friends will give you and my guess is you haven’t tried talking to them in the first place (notice the trying to be a good friend on my behalf)
• Yeah, they will just cheer me all the way to the honeymoon
• So if you take what I just said about how we have high expectations about marriage then this should make your marriage the most likely to succeed because there are no expectations, no surprises
• Why do we get married in the first place? I’m not convinced I want to get married anyway

No this was the time for me to ask her why she said yes in the first place, however I decided against it, I needed to guide her gently to the conclusion not push her there

And it was around that time when I thought I was making progress when she reached for my hand and held it, I kept my hand in hers out of being supportive and not to be rude, you all know how difficult it is for a lot of girls to make first move and after all it was my hand not my thigh or even worse

• Well, marriage is an attestation of and another form of declaring love and of course for raising kids (didn’t really say much here did i?)
• Yeah but again why does it have to be in that form, I dunno kareem I’m very worried and I don’t know what to do

And then she leans on my shoulder, now if that ain’t my cue to be an asshole then I don’t know what is

(by the way, Our friendship was mainly about extreme flirting but never was touchy feely so this was new to me)

( I don’t want to be a home wrecker, and I never met the guy but I’m a big believer in karma and what goes around comes around kind of things and I wouldn’t want my fiancée to do something similar to me two days before my engagement) so what came out next was the following)

• I’ll tell you what you should do, obviously you can’t call it off NOW, nobody deserves THAT done to him, and I’m sure you still have some feelings towards him and you wouldn’t want to do that to him, and come engagement day you’ll be too busy and surrounded by friends that it won’t even show that you’re second guessing the whole thing and after that, well… a lot of engagements don’t work out, we see it everyday plus you’ll have time to think this over (as clear as june sky) (GAY as JACK from will and grace)
• Yeah I guess you’re right (she was thinking about her next move)

At that time my cell phone rings and it’s “my best friend the asshole” wondering why I was late for the wedding ( he always had this annoying habit of remembering to call me when I was alone with a girl in a compromising situation BUT for the first time I was thankful that he called

So after I finished the call I knew everything was okay and that she got the message, plus we were only 5 minutes away if she decides to do anything more.

Now that I think about that day I wonder what she’s doing with the guy and what were her motives towards the whole conversation, did she want to get me out of her system or did she want to get guys in general out of her system and I was convenient? And most importantly does what she did count as cheating?

I think cheating is a horrible thing and damages both the person doing the cheating and the one being cheated on. In fact I believe it does more damages to the one doing the cheating, but that’s another post altogether

Waiting for your comments and answers

HURRRAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!




i got my first mention in a blog today


http://hekayat-hanouma.blogspot.com/2006/03/20062.html


first time for me to check her blog, first i thought i'd comment on her blog but then i decided to mention her here as well, that's the least i can do hanouma.

interesting blog, with a great emphasis on herself and her feelings, just how i like them. i still have a weakness towards blogging in arabic, still has a charm that non arabic readers are missing out on

she has misinterpreted some of my posts but in good faith nonetheless, however i still enjoyed her misinterpretation ( i usually get angry by it) but blogging takes a lot of your negative energy


i'm on my way to blog world wide fame thanx to hanouma.... better watch out sandmonkey :)

Does it matter for how long it lasts?




this question is about hugs, most people like to be hugged and hug back, including me, i sometimes ached when i spent a looooong time without a hug, dunno if there's a medical reason behind it, maybe a lack of a certain endorphin or something that hugs help produce but the bottom line is hugs are an essential part of our life


now an argument is that some people view hugs as something natural and nothing sexual about them, well it's the same as kissing or complementing someone, you can do it with your mom or dad or best friend but it won't and shouldn't last an hour, except with...


i once spent an entire hour in the embrace of a friend of mine, it was the best hug i ever had. we were both emotionally injured and we needed the comfort of each other's embrace.

we never talked about it afterwards, she just sent me a message later on my mobile saying "thanks" just a simple 6 letter word and i replied "thank you more" and that was it, best friends again. and we never repeated it since due to the fact that she started dating one of my friends. call me old fashioned but i wouldn't accept my girlfriend hugging one of my friends for an hour too.

Now i'm not saying i want to repeat it, however i do want to repeat the same feeling with someone else, not just a normal hug that you give someone you haven't seen for a while or your sister for being the best sister possible, but the kind of hug where you spend 60 minutes of carressing each other, smelling each other's necks, smelling their hair, feeling their heart beats, listening to their breath, feeling her arms crushing you trying to squeeze every drop of comfort you have, and you trying to give her every drop you have, it was very emotionally satisfying and healing.


being alone is a itch, with a B

a wise man once told me "go get laid man"
keeping my fingers crossed

The first Kiss:

How we all remember it, or at least should remember it.

i stumbled across an old friend on the hi5 a couple of days ago, needless to say i added her to my msn list and we started the usual ritual of exchanging whereabouts.

this conversation reminded me of my first kiss, as my first kiss was with her best friend

Wow, this was a very long time ago yet still i remember it very well and remember the fact that i enjoyed it tremendously, and with great detail, i was never big on detail yet i remember everything about it.

i enjoyed it to the extent that three years and several girls later, i still compared each unlucky girl to that first one, even with my girlfriend of over a year whom i deeply loved at the time

until she came…. The pretty black haired, black eyed girl who kissed like there was no tomorrow, even though we weren’t dating and there were no emotions attached yet still I felt that energy of my first kiss with R. it was only a fling that lasted for 2 sessions and never went past 2nd base, but it was so charged that she's now right there on the top of the list with R

we don't talk anymore, due to several reasons that i can't explain but mainly due to the way i treated her.

what is it about us guys that would make us treat someone who's only pleased us and asked for no return like dirt? this post was supposed to be about my first kiss but somehow it turned middway to be about that girl. the beatuiful, bodacious, girl from college

i guess what i'm trying to say here is what i've never dared tell her in real life, what she never gave me a chance to say, what she never asked for, her much over due thanks.

thank you for kissing me so passionately, thank you for what helping me get over manipulative R's grip, thank you for being yourself when i was surrounded with ugly people

we don't talk anymore, we never talked much past our kiss, my real first kiss.

anyway this post is probably too boring for anyone to read, but i hope one day F gets to read it

thank you

what is it about blogging and bloggers block




I recently noticed that several of my favourite bloggers are offlife, and that made me wonder if that is going to be my end, don't get me wrong i think it's natural to take a break every now and then, i don't think blogging should be on a daily basis, that's if you have a life. but when a strong bloggger with a lot to say hasn't write anything since november 2005, that makes you wonder what is wrong with them, and you can't help but wonder in a self-centered way about you and why you haven't blogged anything in the last week or so, is it being too busy? or the opposite with nothing to write about?


in my case i have plenty to write about: Cheating, Divorce, best friends as i have previously mentioned, multiple marriages, dating in this awful country, breaking up, Jealousy, and some more stuff like pre-marital sex, legalizing drugs, stupid girls and stupid guys according to me, getting married when you're only 23 like some of my friends decided to, and some other random rants and bitchings


Yet i haven't blogged about all of the above save a topic or two, and i haven't worked on my novel for over 3 months now and all of the thanks is for my fu*#ing job.

i need a break. maybe a month off work

keep cool

the ever truthful kareem from egypt

Quote of the day





"i haven't met a man who wasn't my superior in some particular"

an american poet/novelist Ralph Emerson


i really enjoyed this quote even though i have no idea who this guy is

mental note: i should check him out later